Eurovision: France tick all the boxes except the song one.

Selecting Bilal Hassani, who we probably won't get to call Bill, France have ticked almost all of the Eurovision boxes:

• eyebrows /
• gender-free /
• blonde /
• glasses /
• teeth /
• asian name /
• cute video /

Unfortunately, they forgot about the song and someone who can actually sing. This is a very average performance at best with all sorts of notes missed and breathing in odd places. Little to recommend it but, of course, this is Eurovision and the weird and the PC do well. So France may have to be considered a contender after all.

Eurovision: Uk's 3rd idea: Sweet Lies

Not so sweet, really. Kerrie-Anne belts out the song like a Gloria Gaynor number with a bit of Beyoncé thrown in for good measure. It's commercial and drives along with a hint of foot-tapping but it is almost instantly forgettable.

Anisa puts a very different interpretation on the track and almost seems to plead with us to vote for her version. If Kerrie-Anne was forgettable then this never even started to be remembered. Pleasant but really not anywhere near good enough for such a contest as this. I am not even sure it would make the Top 20 in the UK, never mind convince an international audience.

Very disappointing.

It has to be the Maid version of Freaks for me. But that is hardly a winner.

Eurovision: Uk's 2nd idea - Freaks. Hmmm.

Jordan Clark and a group called Maid have a go at performing a track called Freaks in the BBC's second idea for Eurovision this year.

Jordan was an also-ran in a group in Britain's Got Talent and his effort is tedious. Surprisingly so for something called Freaks. You expect more. Very average and it has a strange bit near the end which sounds like the writers were trying too hard. His track has an awful lot of other people in the backing. Sounds like more than the 5 allowed for the stage.

Maid do a much better version and sound excellent. They each have credits in several stage shows in the West End and seem altogether more professional and less likely to collapse on the big stage in May. It's still nothing special and I feel it is not something that is going to do that well other than collect a few useful votes from the politically correct. It has the same odd phasing bit near the end which simply has to go. A nice performance by the three girls but I don't know that it will be good enough.

We'll see. The best so far.

Eurovision: UK's first idea. 'Bigger Than Us'.

Michael Rice is not a complete unknown, winning the TV series 'Altogether Now' and having busked for a while too is experienced. The song, though, is one of those you think is great t the start but then gets boring before it has even finished.

Bigger Than Us has a choir in the backing track which I cannot see being allowed on the live Eurovision performance so not too sure how that will work. It would need something like that.

The end goes wrong in my view and sort of loses the plot completely and you just don't get that satisfied feeling from a track that is needed for Eurovision. there's almost no temptation to sing or tap along either. I got really fed up with the word 'bigger' too.

So, no, that's no a winner.

Holly Tandy reached the Live Shows in 2017 X Factor, finishing a respectable 7th. Her version of this track is easier listening and, for me, more appealing and a touch more commercial. For all that, though, it will fare no better in Holly's hands.

Eurovision: Spain start the season with new fashion statement

Spain bring us the first major competitor for the 2019 Eurovision title with this cheerful song from someone called Miki.

I can't see Miki or the backing group having much influence on fashion, judging by their appearance in this selection show. It's a sort of laid-back early 90s look with little or no co-ordination. Now that may well be a first for Eurovision!

The song's a catchy number and, despite its 70s feel, should help Spain rise above their recent pretty dire placings. However, I have nearly always predicted that they'll do well (other than a terrible Do It For Your Lover entry the year before last) but they have had pretty similar placings to the UK for many years with only Ruth Lorenzo getting them to the left hand side of the board in 2014.