Guess what: Little Mix win X Factor.

It's Final time after what seems to have been best part of a year. And what do we get? Dermot dancing. That's weird and must be some kind of in-joke or dare. I can hear the producers now: "Right, how idiotic can we make Dermot look tonight?" They'll dress him as Santa tomorrow and have him bouncing Louis on his knee.

Then we get Peter Dickson banking a nice pile for an endless bit of shouting, Tulisa in a dress that looks like something you'd put on a doll not a supposedly cool NDubz singer. Gary makes an extra few bob too as they all sing-along-a Gary song and, at last, we get on with the show. Oh, no, now we get some home town visit, back story and goodness knows what. After an age Marcus actually sings. He does Hey Ya! and, to be fair, does it well. Nice job and that won't do him any harm at all. What didn't look good was Scooch as backing in the blue air hostess uniforms and, at one point, I am sure he was straddling a jumbo which was not a sight to behold.

Little Mix next, well, after we watch them go to High Wycombe, Romford and South Shields to what looked like quite small crowds but that may just have been the camera angle. Instead of aeroplanes we get motorbikes for some reason that totally flew over my head. They had YMCA to support them. With You've Got The Look they really did not impress anyone. Yes, they do look good and do have the look, well, three of them do, but that was no winner's performance. They'd have been out first week if they'd done that eight or nine weeks ago.

Amelia Lily sang Ain't No Other Man and sang it very well, really showing how much better she is in so many respects to the four girls before. It may not have been the song that anyone's going to remember, though, and think 'Oh I must vote for her' afterwards. You just kinda watched, thought it was pretty good and moved on. She'll need something much smarter next time. Thereagain, they all will.

Gary took the place of Scooch and the aeroplane and sang along with Marcus for the second track, a Billy Joel number, Always A Woman. No comment. It was nice. Nice. Not inspiring or anything to leap up and down about.

Little Mix then came along and I guess Tulisa was up there two, not that I noticed. They did another mash up and the first bit was instantly forgettable, not very good but they did make up with the second section which actually showed, for the first time tonight, that they can be good. But not brilliant.

We haven't had the wow factor that you usually get on X Factor Finals. The track that one act does that makes the show worthwhile, even if they don't win. An approximation to a wow factor finally arrives when Amelia Lily duets with Kelly. Forgetting the dancing, which was not a pretty sight, this was a cool and very good performance.

There can be little argument that Amelia and Marcus are by far and away the better acts but I just have this feeling that it's the Little Mix Show this year.

It's Amelia v Marcus v Little Mix in the Final

Little Mix actually sounded quite good as they started whatever the group let's sing along song was to get the show underway tonight. Then I realised they were miming. Now that doesn't mean that they couldn't be a highly successful act - it may be the way it has to be for them, with well-written and recorded singles justifying all the hype that's building up around them and leave the live stuff for a while.

If they do get through to the final then that means they must have bags of support and so could well win.

Justin Bieber also mimed although the camera man had had instructions either to maintain a massive distance or take an angle that had the mike covering his mouth throughout the whole performance. It was a very uninspiring affair and I have no idea how he's made it so big or why they bothered bringing him over for this show.

Then we get an awful performance by Kelly Rowland which made you wish Cheryl Cole was back again. Dreadful, all over the place and in a bikini for no apparent reason whatsoever. She must have been wishing she could put on the sort of show that some of the contestants have been doing and I would find it quite difficult to pay much attention to her criticism of acts after watching that. Come to think of it, she has hardly said anything of much value throughout the whole series.

Eventually we get to the vote and, as the bookies predicted very accurately, MishaB is the one who doesn't make it to the final.

It's now anybody's guess and should be fun to watch and, hopefully, listen to. My vote goes to Amelia but it really could be any one and the big money is on Little Mix.

It Ought To Be Farewell to Little Mix But...

The betting odds at the close of tonight's show say a totally different story to what we saw and heard.

These show MishaB as a virtual certainty to be sent home, with Little Mix (Betfair can't change the name from its original Rhythmix) and Marcus pretty definitely in. At one point Marcus was 40-1 against being sent home but his second performance didn't help him maintain that level. Amelia Lily seems to have those with the money in a bit of a quandary. So what does the money know that we don't? Interesting. We'll probably won't find out tomorrow either.

Misha B
Dancing In the Street
A reasonable enough performance. Not a lot more to say, really. She looks a lot better although the teeth whitening was a bit overdone. I'd much rather have been watching Martha & the Vandellas, though, on an old black and white screen or Mick and David with their version. There was just no excitement or real desire to go dancing that came across. All a bit designed and created for our benefit. She does make an effort, you have to admit, but it's all a bit average and notes just nowhere near accurate enough so recording companies will have to spend a fortune on autotuners if they do take her on.

Pretty Pretty Please
Pretty pretty good. Indeed, I have to say 'well done' to MishaB for making a big effort and she would deserve to get through to the final on the basis of her performances tonight.

Amelia Lily
Ain't No Mountain High Enough
What a difference. Looking like a ready-made pop star and so confident, every note where it should be. This is a pretty tedious song at the best of times and MishaB definitely picked the better track but Amelia Lily is the one who can really entertain and deliver.

I'm With You
Wonderful performance of the rarely heard Avril Lavigne number. This truly held everyone's attention and, whilst MishaB had really made a good job just before, this was far more.

Little Mix
You Keep Me Hanging On
Disappointing. The lead missed some important notes and when the blonde took over near the end it was like listening to a totally different track. How they can be favourite to win when sounding like this I do not know. Unless they pull something amazing out of the bag then they'll be lucky to get through to the final, never mind win it. No chance.

If I Were A Boy
Really nervous start but eventually they get it together just as it's time to go back to the slow low bit at the end which, again, they can't get right. The problem I have with this group is not just that they don't seem to gel any more, being presented on stage as four separate singers again who seem to come from completely different singing style backgrounds but also the fact is that they are not very good, well, not tonight anyway.

Marcus
My Girl
Nervous start but once he got into his stride he was good, very naturally presenting this classic as if he was born to it. Great choice for him, although the slow number did catch him out a few times - not as easy a song to perform as you'd think.

Can You Feel It
Rubbish song but well done. Still not as competently presented as we're used to seeing him being but this guy is good and deserves to get through.

Although Marcus wasn't on top form tonight he should be a safe bet for the final and, indeed, is the favourite to get there. Amelia simply must be there after those fabulous songs. There's no judges' vote tomorrow so it's all down to fan votes. Rumour has it that Little Mix get through which could well cause some interesting headlines. MishaB not making the final after tonight's efforts won't go down too well (although I still don't see her making a huge impact in the recording industry). Perhaps Marcus will be the one to go, so helping SYCO avoid too much controversy and, to be honest, he wasn't that great. Monday might be a good day for the Chancellor of The Exchequer to announce that we're all doomed.

Killing on two channels tonight.

I had high expectations of tonight's show with the track list looking ideal for most of the five remaining acts. An hour and three quarters later, only Amelia really showed that real X Factor that we're looking for in both performances. Marcus was great in a slightly incorrectly titled I'm Your Man and that was about it. Janet and MishaB are in trouble tomorrow so Janet will be spending tonight working out how to put MishaB out on stage and MishaB will be seeing what she can do off stage. Maybe a Sunday headline will help her out. Little Mix? Oh, they were OK.

With the amount of song murdering going on tonight I wondered whether I'd have been more entertained watching The Killing on BBC4 after all.


Little Mix
Baby
Apparently that was a Justin Bieber song. Clearly I need to pay more attention. Mixed cleverly with a bit of The Supremes that worked well and should see the group safely through to the semi-final. They sound good together and have fun on stage. Some of the hairstyles and clothes don't show them as particularly pretty girls and I'm sure they looked better as individual artists many weeks ago.

Beautiful
Well, that was a bit boring and not exactly a good song choice but they did stay together and work well on stage. That won't have got them many more votes but they should still survive unless the others pull something extraordinary out of the bag and convert the extra phone votes they need.
♫7 ☼8

Janet
MmmBop
I was really hoping that she'd be seen to let go and have fun with the Hanson favourite. It's such a cheery song but she neither sounded nor looked at all happy and even forgot the words at one point, almost wailing as she tried to rescue herself. She did get through to the end, just. Lots of sympathy as it turns out that she was definitely not well but she'll need every single vote she can pull in if she's going to survive with the others doing so well.

Under The Bridge
This was more like it, the Red Hot Chili Peppers' track, but much reduced, ridiculously so. It is not a song that many will recognise, though, unlike her nemesis Misha's choice, and also challenging for her supporters to vote for as they'll need to. I can see she's going to need one hell of a good performance to survive tomorrow. Now that is something she can certainly do but if she continues to be below par like this then it could be her farewell, especially if she's up against either Little Mix or MishaB as seems likely.
♫7 ☼6½

MishaB
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
I thought she would really deliver on this and be rocking around the stage and treating everyone to a Misha-Cyndi performance. It was accurate enough but lacked the incredible sparkle that the song should have. The rap bit in the middle was a reasonable modern touch and well-staged too but, overall, whilst far better than Janet's effort to revive an oldie, still didn't have that X Factor. And the trousers were awful. QAt least someone's finally fixed her hair and taken control of most of her image.

Killing Me Softly
She was either going to wow a lot of people or upset a lot of Roberta Flack fans with this. She missed some important notes and that was it. Downhill from there and the Fujee switch didn't rescue things much either.
♫7 ☼6

Marcus
I'm Your Man
No chances taken with this one. Straight delivery, well sung by the increasingly confident and likeable Marcus. If George Michael was watching this from his hospital bed he'll be glad of the extra few bob in royalties and the chance to partner him in the final. Not bad but not fantastically brilliant by a potential winner of this competition.

Lately
Next came the Stevie Wonder number that he struggled with. Notes all over the place but he has got the ability to run and rescue things which I guess we need to give him credit for. He's safe tonight but this does show just where his limits are and, please, judges, cut out the sensational comments, please. Louis says that he nailed every note. No he didn't. maybe they get to listen to an auto-tuned version.
♫7½ ☼8

Amelia
China In Your Hand
Wow. that was easily the best performance of the first set - and by a long way. She looks good, sounds excellent and is just so clearly passionate about performing. a natural star in the making but she needs some good luck and votes.

Since You've Been Gone
The Kelly Clakson one, not Rainbow. I thunk she'd have been better with Rainbow but, for all that, she was really the only one tonight with a natural X Factor. Great effort and she really should survive. Watch the repeat and you'll see what I mean - the others just look amateur in comparison, even Marcus tonight although his Wham job was up there too.
♫9 ☼9½

X Factor USA Boot Camp 1. Five Hours To Impress

Steve 'The Chin' Jones tries out a Ryan Seacrest impression with "This is [pause] ..." I had to check the schedule to make sure I wasn't watching American Idol by mistake but luckily he eventually finished with "... Boot Camp." Pictures of a little girl being woken up by Mom and another brushing her teeth. (She needn't worry too much. Everyone that gets through will get the impossibly bright white treatment anyway.) Yes, this is the part where 162 acts get whittled down to the 32 who will go to Judges' Condos.

This was so much better produced than the UK Boot Camp which looked as if it had been filmed in a village hall and where chaos reigned on a damp wood stage and we spent more time being shown people arguing or wandering around than actually performing. This time they got it spot-on with full length auditions of the groups doing their bit, allowing us to see at least some of what convinced the judges to keep them a little longer.

In Part 1, 162 acts were rapidly culled to just 100 and those who either couldn't dance or who simply shouldn't have been there in the first place were got rid of. The rest were divided into bunches of seven or eight acts and given just five hours to learn the track the judges gave them. No questions, just get on with it. Prior to that, the 100 were treated to a party, presumably the 12 year olds getting fizzy pop instead of the champagne unless they managed to sneak back downstairs when their parents dozed off.

Chin Jones produced another classic piece of fatuous commentary with: "Some of the 100 remaining decide to have an early night. The others stay up and party into the night." Duh. Maybe, Steve, some went for a walk, some got off with the girl in hot pants, some watched X factor UK recordings or just said 'stuff the party I'm off for a pizza'. And whereas Ryan or UK's excellent Dermot O'Leary would have been in amongst the crowd having a good time, Chin Jones was nowhere to be seen. I guess he was rehearsing another truck window shot.

As the 5 hour fuse was set alight we discover that Ike Turner's ex, Audrey, is one of the contestants. She just appears from nowhere and even Simon seems a bit surprised as someone from the production team explains who she is and how she got in.

I struggled to catch the names of all the performers but the screen helpfully had some of the names - also a bit of a hint as to who is expected to be around for a while if they've gone to the trouble of making the overlays -and on stage came Group 1 with Drew, Caitlin Koch and The Anser looking and sounding good. Elaine outperformed Audrey Turner in my view but the Over30s category may need Audrey to make up the numbers and so both may survive a bit longer. They did Creep pretty damn well, Drew clearly establishing a place for herself.

In group 2 Jazzlyn, who I still can't believe is only 16 (and who wouldn't look out of place in the Over 30s if they're still a bit short next week), forgot her words to the appropriately titled U2 number, I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For. She was great, though, for all that, as was Melanie and some guys who didn't get their names on the overlay. Stacy had previously been shown holding a note for an annoyingly silly length of time - the clip in fact being shown twice which gave me enough time on each occasion to make a cup of coffee and have a chat with my mother. She managed to keep a bit quieter in the group performance and did reasonably well, seeming to impress the judges but still looking in all the shots we were shown as if she'd got a lemon stuck under her tongue and had the type of expression on her face that made you wonder whether she'd ever smiled in her life.

Desperado for Group 3 might have been one of Simon's jokes but if it was it backfired. Dani Knights, Paige and good ol' Leroy in his woolly hat excelled. Skyelor didn't but I have a feeling he'll still get through as he looks good and can probably sing other stuff better. Cari Fletcher doesn't seem to have many fans amongst the judges, despite putting in a good performance but Paige did outclass her on this crucial occasion.

Group 4 had little Brian who was duly relieved to have the rap-embellished version of Wishing On A Star. The little fellow forgot his words but was still quite determined to take over the whole thing. He's good entertainment, which might still get him through to the live shows but JenniFay, Lauren and Reina showed him he wasn't the only one determined to show off with their own excellent input regardless of what he was doing.

Josh K totally took over the Group 5 performance of Superman, with Tiger B getting Simon's attention too. James K was another outstanding act in this bunch but little Nick Dean wobbled on and off notes and completely lost it midway. That'll be embarrassing when he goes back to school on Friday.

Group 6 brought us Philip Lomax and Nick Voss doing well with I'm Feeling Good. All American cheerleader girl Kelly hardly got a look in but Tiah managed to muscle into the act and make her presence felt and heard. Quite what Simon sees in her I'm not sure. I wouldn't keep her but you just know she'll be at the Condos.

I Have Nothing At All looked like a tough number to learn for Group 7 but it finished up as one of the best with superb short notice contributions from 4Shore, Hayley and Ellona as well as the cheeky 14 year old who started the whole series, Rachel C. We'd been tricked by some rehearsal footage into thinking she was going to make a complete mess and miss all the notes but she actually did pretty well. I just don't get someone her age singing those lyrics and it didn't do much to convince me she was that good. However, I expect she'll be good entertainment value too so expect more.

Finally we get Run, for which Snow Patrol had to share credits with Leona Lewis. Well, I suppose it was her version that made the Snow Patrol writers and SYCO the most money. This was a great way to end  Boot Camp Part 1 with every one of its members bar one act doing an inspiring job and impressing, even surprising, the judges.these included Siameze Floyd, Jeremiah, the Song Preservation Society (who??) and StereoHogzz. Some 12 year old called Emily featured in Group 8 too. She was reasonably good and I don't recall seeing her before but 12?? Really? That doesn't make sense. The act that didn't seem to do anything for anyone was Makenna & Brock. Either they're really old-fashioned, have been brought up by maiden aunts who beat them if they show any inclination towards the opposite sex or they're putting on a damn good act for the cameras by staying a safe distance from each other at all times and not exactly setting their audience alight with any passion. I can imagine them doing lift music. They'd be ideal material for Back To The Future IV if it ever gets made and a couple from 1957 is needed. In a similar vein, it is also a relief to report that Ausem were not at all obvious. I suppose they may appear in Part 2 but we live in hope that they were amongst the 62 kicked out at the start.

I lost count of how many acts had been on screen by the end of this show but I don't think it was 100 so presumably we get some more tomorrow. That should be some show with a massive 68 of them being thrown out. Tonight's show started with Paula in tears for some reason never explained. I should imagine that there'll be plenty more where they came from amongst the 68, as well as some of the 32 successful ones, in Boot Camp 2.

.

X Factor UK: 16 Through To The Live Shows

So, at last, after two evenings of pretty mind-numbing TV, lots of pool shots, tears and really quite annoying editing that stretched out the judges' decisions to such an extent that made Dermot's pause before announcing last year's winner seem positively brief, we get the final 16.

Four acts in each of the categories have made it through to the real show. Until now, we've had snippets of performances here and there, extended ones for some (thanks mainly to Xtra Factor which has been far more interesting and informative to date) but from next week we should start to see just what these guys can do.



Because all the programmes to date were actually recorded a while ago, you could have found out who made it with a few searches anyway so there were no surprises but in the Over 25s Carloynn Poole must be disappointed that Louis chose Johnny Robinson, presumably for the show's obligatory comic act, and even preferred Sammie Brookes when Goldie left. In the Girls, Sophie has been almost invisible so far in comparison to Jade who had loads of screen time. Put the two side by side with the volume turned off, though, and you can see why Kelly decided to go with Sophie. Neither are potential winners, however, so it doesn't matter too much now.

Gary Barlow had Robbie Williams with him to help with some choices but, from the eight he started with, that wasn't too difficult. Whilst Frankie has had all the publicity so far, James looks like one of those acts that make the show really interesting in that if he's as good as I think he could be then watch his progress through the weeks. Craig will let the mums' votes.

The Groups have been a nightmare to keep up with, Tulisa mixing and matching and basically taking a bundle of solo applicants and juggling them around to make some bands. She even had the cheek to take the lead singer from an established band, The Keys, and re-make an already manufactured group, The Risk, chucking out two and bringing Charlie from The Keys in. She's also made a couple of other groups, Nu Vibe and Rhythmix, including some decent talent who didn't make it through on their own. If anyone had told me that 2 Shoes would be the sole original group out of goodness knows how many must have applied to make it through then I would have thought they were mad.

Kelly Rowland has three potential winners in the Girls category in my view. If Janet gets the right tracks to perform and keeps her nerve then she will be in a category of her own. Louis, I'm afraid, has a losing team once again. Gary's James and Frankie will be competing for the girl fan votes and one will be a contender. Tulisa's groups are a mystery - I have a suspicion two will be around for a long time in the competition.

The fun starts, next week, at last!

X Factor UK: Bootcamp 2 - The final 32 selected (and it's not who you thought)

Even if you paid attention during the second Bootcamp show and carefully listened to the judges, Olly and Caroline on Xtra Factor you still wouldn't have got the right list of acts going through to the Judges' Houses stage. In fact, you wouldn't have even seen Holly Ripton before but there she is - in the Girls last 8. And who's that with her? Sarah Watson. Who? Uh huh - another you won't recognise.

The shows did, though, at last, show us most of the chosen acts and enough of them actually performing to convince us either that they well deserved their places abroad for a few weeks or didn't but they're going anyway and we can just hope that they don't make the final 3 and appear on the live shows when idiots could start voting for them and they might stay even longer.

You needed to watch The Xtra Factor  to get the best information in what is proving to be a considerably better production than in previous years. 

So, here are the (possibly!) last 32 acts for X Factor UK 2011. If there are no more surprises then these should be cut down to a final 12 so this is as far as 5 acts in each set will go. 

Girls (Kelly Rowland)

Misha, Janet and Jade are the likely Live Show stars and I have a feeling that Misha and Jade will give us all plenty to giggle about in tweets about clothing.

Boys (Gary Barlow)

Frankie and James are the front runners in the Boys but every one except John Wilding and Luke Lucas are strong contenders and all of them seem to be able to perform well.

Groups (Tulisa)

Goodness knows what is happening in Group Land! The only original groups to get through are Estrella, The Keys, Girl v Boy and 2 Shoes. Thankfully Kendro didn't make it. So there has been a massive construction job with solo contestants that didn't make it to their respective last 8s. This has usefully given another chance to a few who deserve to be there although quite how they'll fare in bands which, from most of the quotes from the judges during the shows, have been decided on how they look together! Good grief. Even as we watched the last of the tears been wiped away at the end of the Bootcamp Show, however, we didn't actually have the full story.

Rhythmix is actually made up of Jade and LeAnn picked from Orion, a band that had been put together by the judges at Bootcamp. Jessie and Perry joined from Faux Pas, which had also been created from solo contestants somewhere along the line. Obviously neither Onion nor Faux Pas had worked and Rhythmix is a much better name anyway. You have to feel sorry for the other contestants in Onion and Faux Pas, though, not just for the names of the bands they were momentarily having to be in but having been given that 'lifeline' in Bootcamp 1 it must have been pretty sad finding half of their band went through and they didn't after all that.

Overs (Louis)

What can I say? Oh dear. Only Louis could possibly look pleased with this strange bunch. Kitty and Carolynn have a lot of potential. Terry and Samantha can sing well but just don't strike me as being the sort of act that sells records other than at Christmas. Johnny is hilarious to watch but surely we're not going to see him in the Live Shows? Joe and JonJo are decent enough blokes but they're lucky to have a free bit of sunshine. And, yes, there's Goldie. As Louis said "I can't imagine a show without Goldie!" That just about sums that up then. at least there's no Wagner.

  

X Factor UK: Bootcamp 1 Hello Goodbye

I hadn't realised that there was enough grass in Croydon, South London, for over 200 X Factor contestants in the 186 acts who'd made it through to bootcamp. But there they all were and, on cue, most of them did the jumping up and down bit when the judges arrived in black Jaguars (Ford getting in on the UK act too!)

Once they'd settled down 32 acts learned that they were already at the end of the road which may not have been great news for them but will be a great relief to viewers as they probably shouldn't have been there in the first place. The remaining 150 odd were then split into groups and given one track to perform in Wembley later that evening. Now that was a lot better organised than the American Idol farce when everyone was told to form themselves into groups and we had to watch the ridiculous nonsense of the eventually winner wandering around for virtually the whole of rehearsal time trying to find a bunch of competitors who weren't put off by Baby Lock Then Doors which seemed to be the only song he knew last year. Here in sunny South London each group dutifully went and sat under a tree and, when not being disturbed by Olly or wasps, attempted to put together some kind of performance that might keep them on track for another week.

With only 32 acts scheduled to get to the next stage, judges' houses, though, that's one hell of a lot of people who'll be not making it. Roughly 1 act per group by my calculations. You got the impression they'd done the same sums too as the idea of a 'group' performance was pretty much forgotten by those with any sense and the big personalities just did what they felt like. Occasionally that got really embarrassing: Goldie snaking about and heading in Louis' direction, making his day but spoiling anyone else's. Plenty of other examples but, quite frankly, there's no point listing them as the whole thing is really for the judges to view how people interact and perform and all we get to see is a few seconds' worth of a few people which makes writing anything vaguely intelligent damn difficult.

Something else that is difficult to figure out as we have seen so little of them is the groups. You only had to look at the expression on Gary's face to see that Kendro survive a little longer, or it may have been Two Shoes. The Keys got some airtime and Estrelle a short burst but that was it. A lifeline was thrown to some of those who failed in the the first section - with some manufactured groups being arranged as has become traditional now. Last year's 1 Direction kept us entertained well until the final. That may give people like the previously excellent Derry a chance but hopefully not too many also-rans. The lifeline may be more for the programme's benefit this year as we've seen precious little that looks like coming close to winning so far.

All we can do is wait till tomorrow when we find out who gets through, who gets which categories and we can start to concentrate on the actual potential stars there and who can join Amelia, Misha and Kitty to challenge Frankie and Janet for the prize.