Eurovision 2023 Update

Here are my last few thoughts about each of the Final competitors - in the order they will appear tonight.

Austria

Austria have possibly one of the most odd song themes of the night. Not as odd as Serbia's insistence on hygiene last year but to have Edgar Allen Poe as a ghost influencing what you write is weird enough for me. Having said that Serbia did very well last year and Austria's two women can sing well and the whole thing is well-constructed. Not enough to win, though, despite the attempt at a catchy Poe Poe Poe which just sounds wrong to me in English!

Portugal

One of those songs that grow on you. This started off at 1000-1 and no-one expected it to qualify but the singer keeps putting on good performances and it could be quite classy if she gets it all right on the night. She is known to miss notes and it can get messy in the middle so who knows what will happen? Not a lot, I suspect.

Switzerland

Another that was not expected to make the final. The song builds up but the singer hasn't much personality and I'm not so sure that its pacifist text will suit the mood at the moment. Forgettable and, whilst it may appear quite high in Jury votes at the start, don't expect a huge number of extra votes later from the public.

Poland

Now here's a good pop song - first of the night that you could imagine hearing on your radio, if anyone has a radio these days. A commercial number that is going to get plenty of public votes but probably very few from the national juries. So expect to see this leap up from the right side of the board to a fairly high finish position.

A bit of a poor copy of Cyprus from a couple of years ago and the girl is inclined to make mistakes too which may reduce her chances but I am expecting a Top 10 for her.

Serbia

This is pretty awful and I never expect much from a bloke lying on his back either. It's another track that had no right to get past the Semi Final stage but, as part of a group of totally useless entries, it somehow was less bad than enough of the others to get through. Forget this one and go make some tea or something until it's finished.

France

A class act from France. If the girl gets all the notes right and puts on one of her better performances then this should go down well. Expect to see her right up there with the leaders on the left hand side of the board at the start, with good national jury votes. Everything depends on how much support she then gets from the public at large. I don't think she'll get enough but should make Top 5.

Cyprus

Big ballad and this is a difficult song to sing so the bloke will get some decent votes from juries but I suspect very little more after that. One to forget.

Spain

Spain try a bit of ethnic stuff to pull in a few more votes and this should get plenty of support from the East and some Balkan places. It is quite a complex construction, certainly not very sing-a-long and that may damage its final result as it isn't something we'll remember when it comes to making the call. It deserves Top 10 but that's as far as it's likely to get.

Sweden

By far and away the favourite to win this year, it seems that everyone is expecting another Euphoria. It does have distinct similarities too but it remains just a shadow of that song. Despite Loreen's excellent performance and vocals - and she is head and shoulders and finger nails above almost everyone else in this competition - this is not something you'll be singing in the weeks ahead or seeing high in the charts. Having said that, a second-rate Euphoria is quite capable of winning tonight with such generally lousy competition.

Albania

This song has lurked at the bottom of all the betting lists at 1000-1 ever since betting on the track began. I don't really know why as is it not that bad and nothing like as tedious as many that you'll hear tonight. It's not something I particularly like but the family do make a decent job of hitting the notes and it is well-constructed and performed. No, it's not going to win but it won't come bottom either.

Italy

This was my original tip to win. I am still hopeful as it is an excellent, if slightly old-fashioned, ballad and the guy can sing well. Unfortunately, he doesn't always have the dramatic presence which he has had in early shows and in his YouTube version. Live on stage he often loses confidence and it hurts the song which has to be spot-on to work. If he got things right last night (when the Jury Vote took place) then I would expect to see him near the top of the table when voting starts. He is also likely to be a big hit with the public and is one of the very few rivals that Loreen has this year.

Estonia

This is quite a good performance of a reasonably good song. The National Juries will like it and it should start with a position not far out of the Top 10 on the board. However, I don't see many votes coming in from the public afterwards so it will slowly drift down and land up in the rather forgettable area in the bottom half of the competition.

Finland

According to the bookies, if Sweden don't win then Finland will as they are the only act anywhere close in betting odds terms. I don't like this at all and it doesn't even strike me as good Eurotrash, as Eurotrash it certainly is with the bizarre green outfit, very ugly supporting act with what could be some of the most awful dental replacements in history. Naturally, it will get bags of votes from those who do like this sort of stuff and there can be enough of them some years to make the difference between coming 5th and 1st. This year, I feel that the public will still prefer Loreen or even Ukraine to this appalling act but I have to recognise that the bookies do do their research and have a good reason for the odds being so low.

My guess is that Finland will be way out of the running when the results are first shown but, like Moldova last year, will fly into third or fourth place, maybe even take the lead briefly when the public votes are announced.

Czechia

Here is a group singing in close harmony and that can either work very well or not at all. With some modern break-like stuff in the mix and even a bit of Netta's song from a few years ago thrown in for good measure, this track has a chance of doing well. Not that well, though. It has a great atmosphere when presented well and that may attract a good Jury vote. For the public, though, I see this as finishing just outside the Top 10.

Australia

A bunch of old blokes doing old bloke music, the heavy stuff, like old blokes do. They look pretty awful but don't sound that bad. Australia have tried every genre so far as they attempt to score in Europe but so far they seem to be going from bad to worse. Not memorable, not particularly likely to score and not something that's going to win so go make tea or something.

Belgium

For some reason this has become popular overnight. Belgium were in the 1000-1 club a few days ago and expected not to be in the Final at all. However, somehow, possibly because everyone else is so bad, this bloke gets through and starts getting a lot of support. Imagine Boy George crossed with a few other gay icons from the 80s and this is your guy tonight. Very average singing a very average song but maybe there is nothing else for the gay community to root for tonight. Eminently forgettable but expect to see him get a good public vote but very little from the juries first.

Armenia

One of the other good pop songs from an attractive and talented girl. Armenia tend to do well with this sort of track and I would expect to see them at the bottom of the Top 10 or thereabouts when all is said and done tonight.

Moldova

We rely on Moldova to give us something by way of a surprise or just good fun at Eurovision. Not so much by way of good fun as this is actually a ballad and not some people messing around as usual. It could be a good ballad too if the bloke is sober and on the ball this evening. He's done some good performances but also some pretty useless ones so who knows what he'll manage tonight. Jury-wise, I suspect that he won't have had much credit so much will depend on the public. In the past Moldova have had a massive amount of support but this year I don't see them giving enough to put Moldova higher than around 5th or 6th at best.

The bookies still have them at 1000-1,

Ukraine

Last year's winners do not have a great entry this year. It's a pity as they could have won again with something impressive. Whilst the National Jury will not reward them at all highly for the performance or vocals the public will probably give them another massive amount of support and we should see them hoisted right up in the first three. There is just a chance that this could be enough to beat Sweden and Finland. Finland, maybe, but Sweden I think unlikely. It could all come down to just how many votes separate them at the start. Whatever the case, though, Loreen has by far the better song, as do Spain, Poland, France, Italy, Israel and even UK.

Norway

This has always been high in the bookies' lists - consistently around 6th. It is a quite anthemic type of track from a quite aggressive-looking girl and has a catchy type of chorus as it goes. It just doesn't strike me as a winning song. It will get good votes from the National Juries but not a lot after that. Top 10 maybe but I feel the bookies are optimistic there.

Germany

Awful loud rubbish I don't want to watch or listen to.

Lithuania

Despite this being in the 1000-1 club, I have a feeling that Lithuania could be one of those 'dark horse' entries which surprise us by getting lot more support than we expect. I think it deserves a top 10 position. Not a winner, I guess, but there is something quite strong about this which I believe could come across on the night and have some influence on people as they decide to vote. Coming, as she does, near the end is a bonus too and likely to mean she stays in voters' minds.

Israel

The other genuine pop song tonight. And it's quite good although the lyrics are a bit weird. The girl is a talented and experienced performer and should be relied upon to put on a good show and stay pretty much in tune. She'll get good votes from the National Jury people and I expect to see Israel right up there at the start of voting. Israel may not attract that much support after that, though. so may drift down the table a bit. I would still say they ought to be Top 5 but it may be that the idiot Finland group or sympathy for Ukraine edges out Israel.

Slovenia

This is really the only 'normal' group in the competition that, coupled with their position near the end, could be helpful in getting plenty of public votes. I don't expect they'll start off with many from the National Juries and will not be able to amass enough extra from their group supporters out there to take them into the Top 10 but maybe they'll have a decent finish at around 11th.

Croatia

This is the other Eurotrash entry this year and will be well supported for its stance on weapons and all that jazz. Pretty much rubbish but it this stuff always gets votes. I suspect they have zero from the National Jury vote at the start and then we'll see a good hefty number added which might catapult them to the left hand side of the board for a while. that's about it, though.

United Kingdom

Mae Muller has a reasonable enough single which made about 27 in the charts here. If that's all it can do here, though, then don't expect it to do much more abroad. We should get some credit for the help we're giving Ukraine and also as hosts - that's just the way it goes as the public tend to think about the host country and decide to give them a few points almost regardless of the quality of their entry.

This is not great and Mae is not a great singer and lacks the sort of personality needed to attract people back to voting for us. I don't hold out much hope, I'm afraid, but we won't come last, at least.

Winner

Sweden or Ukraine

Top 5

Italy Finland Israel

Top 10

France Poland Spain Armenia Moldova

Dark horses

Lithuania Czechia

Other possible top half

Austria Norway Estonia Portugal Slovenia Albania Belgium 

No hope

UK Australia Cyprus Croatia Switzerland Serbia Germany

Eurovision 2023

 It's Eurovision time again and, at last, we have all the entries released for the competition.

As usual there are some terrible attempts at a song and most of these have already received the dreaded 1000-1 odds and I shall not even bother to mention them. At the other end of the talent spectrum, however, there are some decent entries which deserve a few plays.

The big news, I suppose, is that Loreen, Sweden's winner in 2014 with the wonderful Euphoria, is back this year and is, by some margin, the favourite at the moment. She is a good performer and you just know that she will not miss a step or a note on stage either so I cannot imagine that she'll not be in the Top 5 at the end, scoring heavily with both judges for the performance and the public amongst which she has many fans who'll vote for anything she does. The winner? Maybe. I'd like to say definitely not but she has the whole package and all I can fault is that the song is not Euphoria. It doesn't stick in your mind like that did. It doesn't last. But that may not matter on the night.

Last year's winners, Ukraine, have a reasonable enough entry but it's no winner on its own merits. They'll do well, I think, again this year with many people just wanting to help the country after what will have been a year and a quarter of devastation and upset. With many millions now resident in countries other than their own there will be many votes being dialled in so they'll be up there - but Top 10 rather than a win.

The United Kingdom came second last year with the excellent Sam Ryder's Spaceman and we do seem to have found ourselves again after years of mediocrity. Mae Muller is another new person to us all but she is modern and has a great song that suits Eurovision. Many people expect this year to have a female winner and I'd like to say she stands a chance. The bookmakers don't, putting her a predicted 8th at 65-1, well out of the usual range for a possible winner. However, it is quite early days still and I shall not write her off on the grounds of her odds yet. If she can perform the song well live then, as predicted, she'll be Top 10 and I'm inclined to make her one of my possible winners. It's nice to say that again about a UK entry! I also believe the world takes a better view of the UK now and is more prepared to vote for us than might have been the case a few years ago.

Finland have one of the dreadful songs that isn't rated 1000-1 but, in fact, nearer 6-1 as the second favourite. It's not something that I can see a lot of people liking and it will almost certainly get forgotten afterwards but I'll accept that it has some catchy Cha Cha Cha lines which will get some votes. It's quite heavy too and a change from all the pop singer girls. Bookmakers are seldom massively wrong, though, and this is being talked about a lot so I guess it'll be another Top 10.

Norway are at 23-1 with a quite dramatic woman singing about Queen of Kings and belting it out big time. It's Eurovision and, in the absence of many other big songs it will garner votes from those who like this style. I'm not at all sure about her hitting all the right notes, though, so much will depend on the rehearsals as to whether Norway stay in the Waiting Room - what I call that area between possible winners and mere hopefuls. I don't see a win for Norway at all. Even Top 10 could be a struggle.

Spain are also dramatic with the strangely titled EAEA which is not exactly a sing-a-long number this year. It's a strong performance, though, with plenty of Balkan-sounding noises to help pull in some more votes. Spain either do very well or very badly. This year I see them doing very well but not quite winning.

Israel have a good pop song to rival Mae Mullers. It's something about a Unicorn and runs along nicely. I reckon if something like this is going to win then it'll be Mae Muller who gets the more votes of these two. But Israel deserve a Top 10 this year.

Austria have a bit of fun with Who The Hell Is Edgar? and a song all about Edgar Allan Poe which is quite extraordinary and also very catchy. Whether the world at large will get the meaning of the clever lyrics I don't know but it's a nearly-pop song with a twist that often does well at Eurovision so another Top 10 contender in my book.

Moldova always seem to have a mass of support out there in the public voting land but don't get much from the juries as a rule. this year I reckon they should do better with the juries and they do have a decent and catchy number which ought to help them maintain a good record of positions in this competition. They might even win the thing. With the bookies giving them odds of 250-1 at the moment that's quite a statement to make but there you go. If they do, remember I told you first. It's a bloke singing on his own this year and there aren't the usual sexy girls or references to excite us or offend others but it's all about some guy wanting to 'marry' some girl in the open air under the moon and stars and maybe even the sun too. All good stuff and no doubt some crazy costumes at least

Italy is one of my own favourites this year and I would give the guy a chance of winning. At nearly 200-1 as I write, having increased every day, it would seem that the bookies know something that I don't. The song and his performance are excellent and it is a powerful number, almost unique this year which has to mean it has something extra going for it. If you want a ballad, this is a good one, sung well and it is very, very Italian which I think voters like a lot. So why it is failing in the betting market I do not know. I'm going to stick with it as a possible victor.

I am not going to bother writing about any of the others as they all much of a muchness and not at all memorable or likely to win, with one exception and that is Ireland. They are verging on the 1000-1 area at 910-1 as I write and no-one has come back from those sort of odds. Why? I think people have looked at the two groups for Semi Finals 1 and 2 and concluded that, with Ireland in a tough Group headed by Sweden, there is a distinct chance that they will not actually qualify for the Final. It would be very sad if that were to be the case as the song is very much the sort of song that should be in the competition. A real pop song with lyrics which work well for Eurovision. Yes, it's commercial and I do have a problem with it reminding me very much of One Direction at times, specially the We Are Young, er, I mean One, bit!! I wonder whether Louie Walsh was involved this year? Anyway, never mind the similarity, Ireland should be in the competition Final and they should be back in the Top 5 again. No-one seems to think they stand a chance but I'm staying with them too and hoping everyone else is proved wrong.

So that's 11 tracks that compete for the Top 10. If I had to choose one that doesn't make it I'd say Spain today.