Sunday, May 13, 2018

The Australia v Ukraine Show

Well, that's that for another year. A change to the voting system is needed. That was wrong in many ways.

Here are the results:

Quite an extraordinary difference between the national juries and the public out there watching and voting. Look at Australia - a 9th place with the juries but placed bottom of everyone by the voters! Very weird and the only explanation I can come up with is that, as people in their own countries can't vote for themselves, there simply aren't enough Australians here in Europe to make much impact. Conversely, look at Ukraine ,for whom the almost exact opposite was true - placed bottom by the national juries but coming 7th in the public vote! 

Clearly, the mass of people from countries like Ukraine, Czech Republic, Moldova and the like who were not resident in their home countries and so could vote for them, has made a significant difference.

The other huge differences were for Denmark, 5th from the bottom with the juries, 5th from the top with the public, Sweden, 2nd with the juries, one up from 2nd bottom with the public! These are crazy figures and you really have to wonder whether that system can survive.

I did not see Austria doing so well but then nor did the public generally, placing them 13th. Italy and the Czech Republic each achieved really high public votes but for different reasons. The Czech vote was down to numbers of nationals in other countries as the performance was quite bland. Italy were passionate and maybe did manage to get through top more people than I had expected. Had Italy had the support of the juries then they would have been serious contenders for a win.

As it was, Netta takes the competition to Israel. They've won several times before and will do a good job of hosting the show but I do feel that after the classy Portuguese win in 2017 and several years without any 'statements' or 'hashtag' entries, we have taken a few steps back to the 1990s with just about everything associated with Toy.

Below is the text from my live blog on the night.

Ukraine. Not the best start to #Eurovision. Let’s look weird and set fire to the piano we were sleeping in. Never mind the singing bit. No chance . Bye bye.

Spain: Classic #Eurovision sugary romantic stuff. If you’re not into young people almost touching each other then go make some tea. Pretty little number but she’s not so great. I mean the song doesn’t win.

Slovenia. Surprising #Eurovision finalist - we reckon Mr & Mrs Trump had something to do with this. Cheerful stuff that you’ll forget almost instantly. No chance.

Lithuania. Now this is a little special. I can see her doing very well. Top 10. If the voters remember her after the other 20 #Eurovision songs. I hope they do. Nice.

Austria. This is another to forget. Austria should have entered the #MonaLisaTwins for #Eurovision.

Estonia. This is serious #Eurovision stuff. Best singer of the whole evening. Superb song but, yes, old-fashioned and so not so many votes. Still Top 10 material. The 2nd so far.

Norway. Everyone loves Rybak who won #Eurovision in 2009. Cheesy song but great confidence and presence on stage. Not win no.2 but maybe Top 10 and a lot more than nul points.

Portugal. Have to be polite as this is the #Eurovision host country. So best not to say anything. It’ll end soon and the strange girl will turn round eventually.

So far only two reasonable entries. Will there actually be ten in the #Eurovision Top 10?

United Kingdom. The #Eurovsion crowd like SuRie but it’s just not a song that people will be voting for. It probably only got 23 votes in the ‘You Decide’ show. We’ll not be bottom though. She is no Englebert.

Serbia. How on Earth did they get through to the #Eurovision final? Ethnics, dears. Ethnics. If they win whoever bet £10 will have £10,000 later tonight. And free cabbage for life.

Germany. At last. A good song. Only the third so far that deserves to have a chance of winning #Eurovision this year. Ed Sheeran could have been here for us but his mate does the German entry. My tip for No.2.

Albania. If you need a pee this is a good chance. You will miss absolutely nothing of interest with even a faint hope of winning #Eurovision. Another 1000-1 shit, I mean shot.

France. Mr & Mrs have a good #Eurovision entry. Sort of rolls along gently like the Common Linnets did a few years back which came 2nd. This should be Top 10 but I don’t see it winning.

Czech Republic. Before rehearsals this was tipped as a possible winner but has dropped out of the running with average live performances. Good to see the Czechs in #Eurovision but they’ll need to do better next time.

Denmark know how to do #Eurovision. Lets have wind and snow and blokes looking like Norsemen or whoever it was that sailed old ships years ago. Hairy blokes often get votes from public if not the juries. Good atmospheric stuff but that’s about all.

Australia. I’d love to see Jessica win #Eurovision. Great catchy song but she needs to get those low register bits right. Who put them in in the first place dammit? Otherwise she is lively, enthusiastic and the crowd love her. My favourite for No.1. If she gets it right.

We now have five possible Top 10 #Eurovision songs. Germany and Australia so far for the win.

Finland. Remember Saara Aalto in XFactor? Well here she is again. Upside down for no reason other than this is what some crazy people do in #Eurovision to get jury votes (technical difficulty!) She always gives her all but I see her finishing 11th. Sorry Saara.

Bulgaria. They’ve had several real challenges for the #Eurovision win recently but, with a bunch of people from mostly other countries and a boring song with annoying lyrics this is not good enough.

Moldova. Every #Eurovision needs Moldova. Looks and sounds like the 1970s. Good fun and quite clever but no-one will vote for it being clever. Some people will vote for it being fun, though so they could come higher than you’d expect. I say 6th.

Sweden. The Masters of #Eurovision had a contest bigger than #Eurovision itself to choose their entry. It’s a modern number but lacks something. You really cannot sing along to it. Try. But everyone loves Sweden and votes for them anyway so they’ll come 4th.

Hungary. This will wake up grandma. Be prepared for some heavy heavy stuff and most definitely not a song to sing along to. As the only track of even the vaguest interest to the head bangers it will get all their votes but no Top #Eurovision place this year. So far out there it has gone before it started.

Israel. For a long time the favourite and still a likely #Eurovision winner with many commentators. I don’t like it at all but, yes, it will make the Top 10 and maybe even Top 5. Unfortunately.

The Netherlands. Waylon wails on for #Eurovision. Yes you have seen him before. In the Common Linnets who came 2nd a while back. Same hat. Good singer but what is with those scary dancers?

Ireland. China did Ryan a favour by editing his performance and they got banned by the EBU and got him plenty of publicity. It’s a very average tune and a very average performance, to be honest and a bit too ‘obvious’ in trailing for the gay vote. They’ll do well though. Top 10 due to the #Eurovision furore, not the talent.

Cyprus. The current favourite by quite a margin. Very #Eurovision and Eleni can perform for sure. Yes, I can see it winning and it has to be Top 5 as pure modernish pop. I say 3rd.

Italy. Probably the best lyrics in the whole #Eurovision contest. Just as was the case last year, though, that’ll not be appreciated by many people at all and, unless they can really pull out a better performance than i rehearsals so far, it’s not Top 10. Good but not for the voters.

So I may be very very wrong but here’s to Australia, Germany, Cyprus, Sweden, Israel, Moldova, Ireland, Estonia, Lithuania and France this year’s #Eurovision Top 10. Maybe.

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