Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Alice's Restaurant
Alice's Restaurant
By Arlo Guthrie
This song is called Alice's Restaurant, and it's about Alice, and the restaurant, but Alice's Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant, that's just the name of the song, and that's why I called the song Alice's Restaurant.
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago, was on - two years ago on Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the restaurant, but Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in the church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, with her husband Ray and Fasha the dog. And livin' in the bell tower like that, they got a lot of room downstairs where the pews used to be in. Havin' all that room, seein' as how they took out all the pews, they decided that they didn't have to take out their garbage for a long time.
We got up there, we found all the garbage in there, and we decided it'd be a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the city dump. So we took the half a ton of garbage, put it in the back of a red VW microbus, took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the city dump.
Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the dump saying, "Closed on Thanksgiving." And we had never heard of a dump closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in our eyes we drove off into the sunset looking for another place to put the garbage.
We didn't find one. Until we came to a side road, and off the side of the side road there was another fifteen foot cliff and at the bottom of the cliff there was another pile of garbage. And we decided that one big pile is better than two little piles, and rather than bring that one up we decided to throw our's down.
That's what we did, and drove back to the church, had a thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the next morning, when we got a phone call from officer Obie. He said, "Kid, we found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a half a ton of garbage, and just wanted to know if you had any information about it." And I said, "Yes, sir, Officer Obie, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope under that garbage."
After speaking to Obie for about fourty-five minutes on the telephone we finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said that we had to go down and pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and speak to him at the police officer's station. So we got in the red VW microbus with the shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the police officer's station.
Now friends, there was only one or two things that Obie coulda done at the police station, and the first was he could have given us a medal for being so brave and honest on the telephone, which wasn't very likely, and we didn't expect it, and the other thing was he could have bawled us out and told us never to be see driving garbage around the vicinity again, which is what we expected, but when we got to the police officer's station there was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was both immediately arrested. Handcuffed. And I said "Obie, I don't think I can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on." He said, "Shut up, kid.
Get in the back of the patrol car."
And that's what we did, sat in the back of the patrol car and drove to the quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want tell you about the town of Stockbridge, Massachusets, where this happened here, they got three stop signs, two police officers, and one police car, but when we got to the Scene of the Crime there was five police officers and three police cars, being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everybody wanted to get in the newspaper story about it. And they was using up all kinds of cop equipment that they had hanging around the police officer's station.
They was taking plaster tire tracks, foot prints, dog smelling prints, and they took twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach, the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to mention the aerial photography.
After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. Obie said he was going to put us in the cell. Said, "Kid, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want your wallet and your belt." And I said, "Obie, I can understand you wanting my wallet so I don't have any money to spend in the cell, but what do you want my belt for?" And he said, "Kid, we don't want any hangings." I said, "Obie, did you think I was going to hang myself for littering?" Obie said he was making sure, and friends Obie was, cause he took out the toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and he took out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars roll out the - roll the toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape. Obie was making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Alice (remember Alice? It's a song about Alice), Alice came by and with a few nasty words to Obie on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back to the church, had a another thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, and didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court.
We walked in, sat down, Obie came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, sat down. Man came in said, "All rise." We all stood up, and Obie stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures, and the judge walked in sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he sat down, we sat down. Obie looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog.
And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry, 'cause Obie came to the realization that it was a typical case of American blind justice, and there wasn't nothing he could do about it, and the judge wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And we was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the snow, but thats not
what I came to tell you about.
Came to talk about the draft.
They got a building down New York City, it's called Whitehall Street, where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected, neglected and selected. I went down to get my physical examination one day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. `Cause I wanted to look like the all-American kid from New York City, man I wanted, I wanted to feel like the all-, I wanted to be the all American kid from New York, and I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all
kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see the phsychiatrist, room 604."
And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill, KILL, KILL." And I started jumpin up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL," and he started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL." And the sargent came over, pinned a medal on me, sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy."
Didn't feel too good about it.
Proceeded on down the hall gettin more injections, inspections, detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me at the thing there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four hours, I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty ugly things and I was just having a tough time there, and they was inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no part untouched. Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the
last man, I walked in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing there, and I walked up and said, "What do you want?" He said, "Kid, we only got one question. Have you ever been arrested?"
And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Alice's Restaurant Massacre, with full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that and all the phenome... - and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, did you ever go to court?"
And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and the paragraph on the back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, I want you to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W .... NOW kid!!"
And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me and said, "Kid, whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay $50 and pick up the garbage." He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?"
And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I said, "And creating a nuisance." And they all came back, shook my hand, and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing, father raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the bench. And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of things, until the Sargeant came over, had some paper in his hand, held it up and said.
"Kids, this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna-know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting-officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say", and talked for forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there, and I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the
other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on the other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the following words:
("KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?")
I went over to the sargent, said, "Sargeant, you got a lot a damn gall to ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench 'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army, burn women, kids, houses and villages after bein' a litterbug." He looked at me and said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you fingerprints off to Washington."
And friends, somewhere in Washington enshrined in some little folder, is a study in black and white of my fingerprints. And the only reason I'm singing you this song now is cause you may know somebody in a similar situation, or you may be in a similar situation, and if your in a situation like that there's only one thing you can do and that's walk into the shrink wherever you are ,just walk in say "Shrink, You can get anything you want, at Alice's restaurant.". And walk out. You know, if
one person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick and they won't take him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony, they may think they're both faggots and they won't take either of them. And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out. They may think it's an organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day,I said fifty people a day walking in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and
walking out. And friends they may thinks it's a movement.
And that's what it is , the Alice's Restaurant Anti-Massacre Movement, and all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it come's around on the guitar.
With feeling. So we'll wait for it to come around on the guitar, here and sing it when it does. Here it comes.
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
That was horrible. If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing loud.
I've been singing this song now for twenty five minutes. I could sing it for another twenty five minutes. I'm not proud... or tired.
So we'll wait till it comes around again, and this time with four part harmony and feeling.
We're just waitin' for it to come around is what we're doing.
All right now.
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Excepting Alice
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Da da da da da da da dum
At Alice's Restaurant
©1966,1967 (Renewed) by Appleseed Music Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Live performance on YouTube
By Arlo Guthrie
This song is called Alice's Restaurant, and it's about Alice, and the restaurant, but Alice's Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant, that's just the name of the song, and that's why I called the song Alice's Restaurant.
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago, was on - two years ago on Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the restaurant, but Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in the church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, with her husband Ray and Fasha the dog. And livin' in the bell tower like that, they got a lot of room downstairs where the pews used to be in. Havin' all that room, seein' as how they took out all the pews, they decided that they didn't have to take out their garbage for a long time.
We got up there, we found all the garbage in there, and we decided it'd be a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the city dump. So we took the half a ton of garbage, put it in the back of a red VW microbus, took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the city dump.
Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the dump saying, "Closed on Thanksgiving." And we had never heard of a dump closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in our eyes we drove off into the sunset looking for another place to put the garbage.
We didn't find one. Until we came to a side road, and off the side of the side road there was another fifteen foot cliff and at the bottom of the cliff there was another pile of garbage. And we decided that one big pile is better than two little piles, and rather than bring that one up we decided to throw our's down.
That's what we did, and drove back to the church, had a thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the next morning, when we got a phone call from officer Obie. He said, "Kid, we found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a half a ton of garbage, and just wanted to know if you had any information about it." And I said, "Yes, sir, Officer Obie, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope under that garbage."
After speaking to Obie for about fourty-five minutes on the telephone we finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said that we had to go down and pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and speak to him at the police officer's station. So we got in the red VW microbus with the shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the police officer's station.
Now friends, there was only one or two things that Obie coulda done at the police station, and the first was he could have given us a medal for being so brave and honest on the telephone, which wasn't very likely, and we didn't expect it, and the other thing was he could have bawled us out and told us never to be see driving garbage around the vicinity again, which is what we expected, but when we got to the police officer's station there was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was both immediately arrested. Handcuffed. And I said "Obie, I don't think I can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on." He said, "Shut up, kid.
Get in the back of the patrol car."
And that's what we did, sat in the back of the patrol car and drove to the quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want tell you about the town of Stockbridge, Massachusets, where this happened here, they got three stop signs, two police officers, and one police car, but when we got to the Scene of the Crime there was five police officers and three police cars, being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everybody wanted to get in the newspaper story about it. And they was using up all kinds of cop equipment that they had hanging around the police officer's station.
They was taking plaster tire tracks, foot prints, dog smelling prints, and they took twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach, the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to mention the aerial photography.
After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. Obie said he was going to put us in the cell. Said, "Kid, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want your wallet and your belt." And I said, "Obie, I can understand you wanting my wallet so I don't have any money to spend in the cell, but what do you want my belt for?" And he said, "Kid, we don't want any hangings." I said, "Obie, did you think I was going to hang myself for littering?" Obie said he was making sure, and friends Obie was, cause he took out the toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and he took out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars roll out the - roll the toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape. Obie was making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Alice (remember Alice? It's a song about Alice), Alice came by and with a few nasty words to Obie on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back to the church, had a another thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, and didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court.
We walked in, sat down, Obie came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, sat down. Man came in said, "All rise." We all stood up, and Obie stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures, and the judge walked in sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he sat down, we sat down. Obie looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog.
And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry, 'cause Obie came to the realization that it was a typical case of American blind justice, and there wasn't nothing he could do about it, and the judge wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And we was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the snow, but thats not
what I came to tell you about.
Came to talk about the draft.
They got a building down New York City, it's called Whitehall Street, where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected, neglected and selected. I went down to get my physical examination one day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. `Cause I wanted to look like the all-American kid from New York City, man I wanted, I wanted to feel like the all-, I wanted to be the all American kid from New York, and I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all
kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see the phsychiatrist, room 604."
And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill, KILL, KILL." And I started jumpin up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL," and he started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL." And the sargent came over, pinned a medal on me, sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy."
Didn't feel too good about it.
Proceeded on down the hall gettin more injections, inspections, detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me at the thing there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four hours, I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty ugly things and I was just having a tough time there, and they was inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no part untouched. Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the
last man, I walked in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing there, and I walked up and said, "What do you want?" He said, "Kid, we only got one question. Have you ever been arrested?"
And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Alice's Restaurant Massacre, with full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that and all the phenome... - and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, did you ever go to court?"
And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and the paragraph on the back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, I want you to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W .... NOW kid!!"
And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me and said, "Kid, whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay $50 and pick up the garbage." He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?"
And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I said, "And creating a nuisance." And they all came back, shook my hand, and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing, father raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the bench. And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of things, until the Sargeant came over, had some paper in his hand, held it up and said.
"Kids, this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna-know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting-officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say", and talked for forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there, and I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the
other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on the other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the following words:
("KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?")
I went over to the sargent, said, "Sargeant, you got a lot a damn gall to ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench 'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army, burn women, kids, houses and villages after bein' a litterbug." He looked at me and said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you fingerprints off to Washington."
And friends, somewhere in Washington enshrined in some little folder, is a study in black and white of my fingerprints. And the only reason I'm singing you this song now is cause you may know somebody in a similar situation, or you may be in a similar situation, and if your in a situation like that there's only one thing you can do and that's walk into the shrink wherever you are ,just walk in say "Shrink, You can get anything you want, at Alice's restaurant.". And walk out. You know, if
one person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick and they won't take him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony, they may think they're both faggots and they won't take either of them. And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out. They may think it's an organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day,I said fifty people a day walking in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and
walking out. And friends they may thinks it's a movement.
And that's what it is , the Alice's Restaurant Anti-Massacre Movement, and all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it come's around on the guitar.
With feeling. So we'll wait for it to come around on the guitar, here and sing it when it does. Here it comes.
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
That was horrible. If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing loud.
I've been singing this song now for twenty five minutes. I could sing it for another twenty five minutes. I'm not proud... or tired.
So we'll wait till it comes around again, and this time with four part harmony and feeling.
We're just waitin' for it to come around is what we're doing.
All right now.
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Excepting Alice
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Da da da da da da da dum
At Alice's Restaurant
©1966,1967 (Renewed) by Appleseed Music Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Live performance on YouTube
Monday, July 14, 2008
British Motorists to face £100 on-the-spot fines in France
If you are driving through France in the next few weeks and fail to carry a fluorescent safety vest in your vehicle you’ll receive a hefty £100 on-the-spot fine – the new law came in to force on July 1st 2008.
According to an online survey carried out by Mail Order specialists, Car Parts Direct, 76% of British Motorists who intend to travel this Summer had no knowledge of the law.
Additional hefty fines also apply for not having a GB sticker, warning triangle or headlamp deflectors. Other countries have more rules, such as compulsory Fire Extinguishers and the requirement to carry a First Aid Kit.
Mail Order Specialists, Car Parts Direct provides a complete European travel Kit that has been developed to include the motorist legal requirements when travelling to any European country and would bring added safety to motorists driving in the UK.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Tanks a lot!
As Putin pulls back the troops that had gathered on the borders of all the Eastern bloc countries and quietly sips a vodka to mark the success of his strategy to take over Europe, I raise my glass to the Betfair system for getting the whole thing moreorless spot on. Yes, Russia won and everyone else lost.
Russia 1
Ukraine 2
Greece 3
Armenia 4
Norway 5
Serbia 6
Turkey 7
Azerbaijan 8
Israel 9
Bosnia & Herzegovina 10
Georgia 11
Latvia 12
Portugal 13
Iceland 14
Denmark 15
Spain 16
Albania 17
Sweden 18
France 19
Romania 20
Croatia 21
Finland 22
Germany 23
Poland 24
United Kingdom 25
I'd forgotten that all the countries could vote which is fair enough but messed up some calculations. The UK entry was never a contender though but coming last was a bit bizarre. Why on earth don't we put someone with real talent and international appeal in? We do need to play the game now. Just think how much better we'd have done with someone like Katie Melua - and we'd have got douze points from Georgia. Or if it has to be a Pop Idol or X Factor participant, at least enter the winner not an also-ran. We did that with Alexander who didn't beat Alex Parkes a few years back. Imagine Girls Aloud, even Shayne Ward, and, of course, Leona Lewis . . . no way would they have come last. Fight the politics with a bit of class, I say.
Terry Wogan sounded genuinely morose and not just because he'd lost as much as I did on the night. Normally his exasperation and predictions of who'll get the 12s each time are uttered with a smirk but this year it seemed more like a scowl and a sigh. It's not even a gay event any more. So who will fly the flag of quirky commentary in Moscow? Step up Jonathan Ross, your country needs you, with Simon Cowell deciding the entry.
That's it for another year. I hope you made a few roubles on some top 4 or top ten bets, at least.
Russia 1
Ukraine 2
Greece 3
Armenia 4
Norway 5
Serbia 6
Turkey 7
Azerbaijan 8
Israel 9
Bosnia & Herzegovina 10
Georgia 11
Latvia 12
Portugal 13
Iceland 14
Denmark 15
Spain 16
Albania 17
Sweden 18
France 19
Romania 20
Croatia 21
Finland 22
Germany 23
Poland 24
United Kingdom 25
I'd forgotten that all the countries could vote which is fair enough but messed up some calculations. The UK entry was never a contender though but coming last was a bit bizarre. Why on earth don't we put someone with real talent and international appeal in? We do need to play the game now. Just think how much better we'd have done with someone like Katie Melua - and we'd have got douze points from Georgia. Or if it has to be a Pop Idol or X Factor participant, at least enter the winner not an also-ran. We did that with Alexander who didn't beat Alex Parkes a few years back. Imagine Girls Aloud, even Shayne Ward, and, of course, Leona Lewis . . . no way would they have come last. Fight the politics with a bit of class, I say.
Terry Wogan sounded genuinely morose and not just because he'd lost as much as I did on the night. Normally his exasperation and predictions of who'll get the 12s each time are uttered with a smirk but this year it seemed more like a scowl and a sigh. It's not even a gay event any more. So who will fly the flag of quirky commentary in Moscow? Step up Jonathan Ross, your country needs you, with Simon Cowell deciding the entry.
That's it for another year. I hope you made a few roubles on some top 4 or top ten bets, at least.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
One of these will win Eurovision 2008
As this may be my last post before the event, here are the latest odds and some one-liners for all the countries that survived through to the final. A previous post gave what the betting fraternity regard as the seven contenders. Below, the bold entries are what I think could win this year.
4.2 Russia
Professionally written, stage-managed. Reasonable number with excellent pedegree and Russia are desperate to win but I still don't see it. The performance at the semis wasn't that great either.
4.6 Ukraine
Great performance and she'll appeal to the boys and men but this Shady Lady's in the shadow of the 2004 winner. She'll get lots and lots of friends' votes so will be near the top but, again, I don't see it winning, despite the fast-dropping odds of late.
11.5 Greece
Much depends on how nice Greece has been to its neighbours of late, and they haven't got Cyprus to give them 12pts this time. Poppy tune, American pretty girl but she'll probably try too hard, scoring reasonably but not enough
12.5 Serbia
The first of my tips to win if voters are in anthemic, well-sung ballad mood and don't mind returning to Beograd next year
15 Sweden
Experienced blonde performs with confidence but that make-up puts me off. It'll do well but not as well as people think
16 Finland
Remarkable shortening of the odds for this competent but pretty un-Eurovision band of bare-chested rockers. I don't think it stands a chance but there you go.
18.5 Armenia
I have been tipping this but a disappointing performance in the semis seems to responsible for the drop from once challenging Russia for favourite. She looks better and the song's better than her Ukraine, Greek and Swedish rivals in this niche and she'll get plenty of friends and neighbours' votes. If she performs on the night then you'll be glad you got these odds!
32 Bosnia and Herzegovina
People don't seem to be able to make up their mind on this one. I'm going to make it one of my tips to win. It's a bit mad but (a) it is well-performed and (b) there are plenty of friends and neighbours so it has to do well anyway.
38 Turkey
Another rock group, this one's less hairy than Finland and not at all bad. But is a Turkish fairly serious rock group going to get that many votes? No, I don't think so.
46 Spain
I can't remember why I didn't like this and haven't heard it since. Probably best that way.
60 Portugal
Hmm. Don't know what this more serious stuff is doing to have the odds shorten so much this week. Competent and solid but instantly forgettable so unless they're on last or there are oldies in the juries, no chance.
65 France
Forgettable and average.
65 Georgia
Songs about peace and heroes do well and so will this. But not a winner as there are better ones for the money.
70 Norway
This is my fourth tip. The best of the Skandinavian entries and so may benefit from their generous friends and neighbours. Good song, simple but excellent presentation, good-looking girls. Great shade of blue at the semis. These odds are great.
85 Denmark
I get this one confused with Greece. One's chiki chiki and the other is a combination lock. Greece do it better so that's that really.
90 Azerbaijan
More peace and heroes, I think. Not a lot else.
100 Latvia
Why is this out at 100-1 still? This pirates rubbish is possibly the most instantly catchy and memorable of all the entries. With a hi, hi, hi . . . See, you're doing it now! (No, not the Pearl & Teddy Car entry). I mean, I'd never buy this and would try extremely hard not to let anyone catch me singing along but it could be the surprise of the night. But it is in Serbia and they are very serious so maybe it won't be. Chance of turning a tenner into a grand, though.
150 Iceland
Big production. Lots of good work went into this and, if excuted really well on the night this one will appeal to a good number. Just not quite enough douze points, though, for the top spot.
160 Israel
Now here's a potential winner. Genuinely good song, well-produced and well-performed too. I just don't know how many friends Israel has these days. I'll tip it anyway.
180 Romania
This was much more strongly favoured before but has almost sunk without trace. Must have been a poor semis performance. I'd say we can forget it now.
190 Poland
This was my very first tip but, whilst the Celine Dionnesque performance, which has quality, and the gorgeous aquamarine dress are strong points and the song strong itself, Ukraine or Spain'll get the diva points, and Serbia, Georgia or Albania the ballad points.
190 Croatia
Oh dear, some old guy and some more strange people singing at odd times + a woman doddering about in a less than attractive way doesn't do it for me. It may actually be well sung but not really sure what it is.
220 UK
Well, we're not bottom of the betting list, at any rate. 220's an improvement on 300, too. The guy is just not going to win, though, so it doesn't make much difference.
280 Albania
I like this one. Not sure why it's such high odds - maybe Albania's not that popular amongst the main blocs. The girl's just 16 but performs well and it's a gentle but effective tune. There is just that slim chance that, if she does it well on the night and others are a bit average and if the sort of simplicity and peace and all that jazz appeal to the old juries, then this would be a contender.
290 Germany
Er, no idea about this one. Must have forgotten it as soon as he or she stopped.
4.2 Russia
Professionally written, stage-managed. Reasonable number with excellent pedegree and Russia are desperate to win but I still don't see it. The performance at the semis wasn't that great either.
4.6 Ukraine
Great performance and she'll appeal to the boys and men but this Shady Lady's in the shadow of the 2004 winner. She'll get lots and lots of friends' votes so will be near the top but, again, I don't see it winning, despite the fast-dropping odds of late.
11.5 Greece
Much depends on how nice Greece has been to its neighbours of late, and they haven't got Cyprus to give them 12pts this time. Poppy tune, American pretty girl but she'll probably try too hard, scoring reasonably but not enough
12.5 Serbia
The first of my tips to win if voters are in anthemic, well-sung ballad mood and don't mind returning to Beograd next year
15 Sweden
Experienced blonde performs with confidence but that make-up puts me off. It'll do well but not as well as people think
16 Finland
Remarkable shortening of the odds for this competent but pretty un-Eurovision band of bare-chested rockers. I don't think it stands a chance but there you go.
18.5 Armenia
I have been tipping this but a disappointing performance in the semis seems to responsible for the drop from once challenging Russia for favourite. She looks better and the song's better than her Ukraine, Greek and Swedish rivals in this niche and she'll get plenty of friends and neighbours' votes. If she performs on the night then you'll be glad you got these odds!
32 Bosnia and Herzegovina
People don't seem to be able to make up their mind on this one. I'm going to make it one of my tips to win. It's a bit mad but (a) it is well-performed and (b) there are plenty of friends and neighbours so it has to do well anyway.
38 Turkey
Another rock group, this one's less hairy than Finland and not at all bad. But is a Turkish fairly serious rock group going to get that many votes? No, I don't think so.
46 Spain
I can't remember why I didn't like this and haven't heard it since. Probably best that way.
60 Portugal
Hmm. Don't know what this more serious stuff is doing to have the odds shorten so much this week. Competent and solid but instantly forgettable so unless they're on last or there are oldies in the juries, no chance.
65 France
Forgettable and average.
65 Georgia
Songs about peace and heroes do well and so will this. But not a winner as there are better ones for the money.
70 Norway
This is my fourth tip. The best of the Skandinavian entries and so may benefit from their generous friends and neighbours. Good song, simple but excellent presentation, good-looking girls. Great shade of blue at the semis. These odds are great.
85 Denmark
I get this one confused with Greece. One's chiki chiki and the other is a combination lock. Greece do it better so that's that really.
90 Azerbaijan
More peace and heroes, I think. Not a lot else.
100 Latvia
Why is this out at 100-1 still? This pirates rubbish is possibly the most instantly catchy and memorable of all the entries. With a hi, hi, hi . . . See, you're doing it now! (No, not the Pearl & Teddy Car entry). I mean, I'd never buy this and would try extremely hard not to let anyone catch me singing along but it could be the surprise of the night. But it is in Serbia and they are very serious so maybe it won't be. Chance of turning a tenner into a grand, though.
150 Iceland
Big production. Lots of good work went into this and, if excuted really well on the night this one will appeal to a good number. Just not quite enough douze points, though, for the top spot.
160 Israel
Now here's a potential winner. Genuinely good song, well-produced and well-performed too. I just don't know how many friends Israel has these days. I'll tip it anyway.
180 Romania
This was much more strongly favoured before but has almost sunk without trace. Must have been a poor semis performance. I'd say we can forget it now.
190 Poland
This was my very first tip but, whilst the Celine Dionnesque performance, which has quality, and the gorgeous aquamarine dress are strong points and the song strong itself, Ukraine or Spain'll get the diva points, and Serbia, Georgia or Albania the ballad points.
190 Croatia
Oh dear, some old guy and some more strange people singing at odd times + a woman doddering about in a less than attractive way doesn't do it for me. It may actually be well sung but not really sure what it is.
220 UK
Well, we're not bottom of the betting list, at any rate. 220's an improvement on 300, too. The guy is just not going to win, though, so it doesn't make much difference.
280 Albania
I like this one. Not sure why it's such high odds - maybe Albania's not that popular amongst the main blocs. The girl's just 16 but performs well and it's a gentle but effective tune. There is just that slim chance that, if she does it well on the night and others are a bit average and if the sort of simplicity and peace and all that jazz appeal to the old juries, then this would be a contender.
290 Germany
Er, no idea about this one. Must have forgotten it as soon as he or she stopped.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
7 contenders now
Of which five are from the Eastern bloc! That could actually be good news for the other two, Greece and Sweden, although I really don't see either winning somehow.
The first semi final has just despatched Ireland to the bin, thank goodness, as a terrible performance of what might have been an amusing entry left most people completely bemused instead. That particular group of voters preferences has also clearly had its effect on some other odd entries with Latvia, for example, dropping to 100-1 and making me wonder why I didn't wait before parting with my money. If they get through their semi then they're worth a top ten bet if the final voters have a sense of humour.
The biggest change of heart amongst those putting money on entries, which is admittedly rather different to assessing the merits of the tune, has been for Bosnia and Herzegovina who have come from very long odds down to an extraordinary 18-1. This has been at the expenses of Armenia, dropping to 14. I didn't see all the semi final and it may be that the Armenian girl didn't perform so well live or the BH entry did. I'll check the recording later and report back.
I'm now going to forget about Turkey, Spain, Bulgaria and Romania whose odds have all lenghthened and there's simple no chance of any winning. So that just leaves the seven contenders, with Norway ay 50-1 my latest long shot for fun. There's also the UK at 300 still!! The more I hear that song the more I wonder what on earth came over the voters at our selection stage. Never mind them, what came over the selectors themselves even remotely considering it had a chance? Still tempting for a top ten bet, though, as there is some sympathy for the UK nowadays and the guy looks like he needs it.
Here are the lastest for the seven:
Russia 4.2-
Serbia 7.4+
Ukraine 8.4-
Greece 9.4-
Armenia 14+
Sweden 14-
Bosnia and Herzegovina 18-
The first semi final has just despatched Ireland to the bin, thank goodness, as a terrible performance of what might have been an amusing entry left most people completely bemused instead. That particular group of voters preferences has also clearly had its effect on some other odd entries with Latvia, for example, dropping to 100-1 and making me wonder why I didn't wait before parting with my money. If they get through their semi then they're worth a top ten bet if the final voters have a sense of humour.
The biggest change of heart amongst those putting money on entries, which is admittedly rather different to assessing the merits of the tune, has been for Bosnia and Herzegovina who have come from very long odds down to an extraordinary 18-1. This has been at the expenses of Armenia, dropping to 14. I didn't see all the semi final and it may be that the Armenian girl didn't perform so well live or the BH entry did. I'll check the recording later and report back.
I'm now going to forget about Turkey, Spain, Bulgaria and Romania whose odds have all lenghthened and there's simple no chance of any winning. So that just leaves the seven contenders, with Norway ay 50-1 my latest long shot for fun. There's also the UK at 300 still!! The more I hear that song the more I wonder what on earth came over the voters at our selection stage. Never mind them, what came over the selectors themselves even remotely considering it had a chance? Still tempting for a top ten bet, though, as there is some sympathy for the UK nowadays and the guy looks like he needs it.
Here are the lastest for the seven:
Russia 4.2-
Serbia 7.4+
Ukraine 8.4-
Greece 9.4-
Armenia 14+
Sweden 14-
Bosnia and Herzegovina 18-
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Pre- semi wobbles
Russia still lead the betting stakes but have lengthened to over 5-1 and there's really not much to choose between any of the top three now. Serbia and Armenia keep switching places and the trio are poles apart from anyone else. Sense finally seems to be dawning on people with Ireland now predicted 6th at 21-1 and Ukraine in 5th at 11.5
It seems that more people are now actually hearing the songs or seeing the videos and realising that it would be an apalling travesty if Ireland's dreadful rant won when class acts like Serbia and possibly the best modern, youthful track for 2008, Armenia. (She really is lovely, too.)
Russia have clearly sunk a few million football, gas and oil roubles into getting their guy set up but do smart young men with 90s boy band acts win Eurovision? No. Cliff was quite old, remember and General F sorted him out anyway. And I have to wonder why on earth, after all the effort their people made to get out from under the Soviet Thumb, now independent nations are going to support the country when Putin II is playing with his tanks as I write. Maybe they're Chelsea supporters or worried about their gas supplies . . .
So, yes, I'll lose a fortune if Russia wins but hope to be delighted by someone, almost anyone else except Spain.
Maybe I should also mention that Armenia have almost as much UK £ backing them at the moment as Russia which should tell us something.
OK, so who else is in the frame now? I've just nabbed Latvia at 34-1. Poland and UK have shortened a bit to 240 and 280. I'd love to see UK back in the running. I mean we have the best commentator by a mile in Terry Wogan and I sometimes think that he has single-handedly made this the crazy event that it is! But, come on, listen to Andy A and even all the smart Brit production people haven't been able to fix some pretty lousy notes and a tune that I'm amazed got selected and which the man himself has admitted to being amazed to be selected. I do expect him to put on a good show on the day and he can connect with an audience but I worry whether a 30-1 top 10 bet is even worth risking.
So, go Armenia, just so that the Serbs don't get famous for two in a row and go go Latvia to make me a nice packet! Poland? Well, let's see if Miss Gee gets through the semis.
Here are the latest numbers: + means odds lengthening, - shortening.
Russia 5.2 +
Serbia 6.2 -
Armenia 7 -
Ukraine 11.5 +
Sweden 15.5 =
Ireland 21 ++
Turkey 28 =
Spain 29 +
Bulgaria 34 -
Latvia 34 --
It seems that more people are now actually hearing the songs or seeing the videos and realising that it would be an apalling travesty if Ireland's dreadful rant won when class acts like Serbia and possibly the best modern, youthful track for 2008, Armenia. (She really is lovely, too.)
Russia have clearly sunk a few million football, gas and oil roubles into getting their guy set up but do smart young men with 90s boy band acts win Eurovision? No. Cliff was quite old, remember and General F sorted him out anyway. And I have to wonder why on earth, after all the effort their people made to get out from under the Soviet Thumb, now independent nations are going to support the country when Putin II is playing with his tanks as I write. Maybe they're Chelsea supporters or worried about their gas supplies . . .
So, yes, I'll lose a fortune if Russia wins but hope to be delighted by someone, almost anyone else except Spain.
Maybe I should also mention that Armenia have almost as much UK £ backing them at the moment as Russia which should tell us something.
OK, so who else is in the frame now? I've just nabbed Latvia at 34-1. Poland and UK have shortened a bit to 240 and 280. I'd love to see UK back in the running. I mean we have the best commentator by a mile in Terry Wogan and I sometimes think that he has single-handedly made this the crazy event that it is! But, come on, listen to Andy A and even all the smart Brit production people haven't been able to fix some pretty lousy notes and a tune that I'm amazed got selected and which the man himself has admitted to being amazed to be selected. I do expect him to put on a good show on the day and he can connect with an audience but I worry whether a 30-1 top 10 bet is even worth risking.
So, go Armenia, just so that the Serbs don't get famous for two in a row and go go Latvia to make me a nice packet! Poland? Well, let's see if Miss Gee gets through the semis.
Here are the latest numbers: + means odds lengthening, - shortening.
Russia 5.2 +
Serbia 6.2 -
Armenia 7 -
Ukraine 11.5 +
Sweden 15.5 =
Ireland 21 ++
Turkey 28 =
Spain 29 +
Bulgaria 34 -
Latvia 34 --
Latvia odds dropping fast
Very catchy so if catchy's going to win back Latvia at mid 30s if you can get in. If they get through the semis then I'm sure the odds will drop like a stone. Seems as likely to appeal as much as Ireland, Spain etc but with more friends.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Eurovision 2008 update
Now that all the songs are available on the Eurovision site it's a bit easier to sort out the bunch, although nothing can really be set in stone until the semi finals are over. Last year some really good tracks fell by the wayside at that stage so there's really not much point betting on any that aren't certain to get through unless you are feeling wild or brave or know something about the politics of the Esatern bloc.
The odds have gone crazy. Here are today's top 10:
4.5 Russia
7.2 Serbia
8.2 Armenia
11.5 Ireland
14 Ukraine
15 Sweden
23 Spain
26 Greece
29 Turkey
42 Romania
Add Bosnia and Bulgaria, both 46-1 and drop Spain and you have the countries with odds of less than 2-1 of making the top 10, a pretty good indication that one of them will be the winner. At those odds, backing each with enough to win £100 will cost £89 so that has to be worth a go, leaving a bit for commission and for whoever you actually think might win.
The choice this year is between earnest ballad, pop, rock and idiots. I can't see why Russia are favourite unless Big Brother is pulling the voting strings and desperate to stop all those lands that were once theirs winning. Serbia has a beautiful, washing over the waves type of song with a nice female singer who isn't lesbian. That is my guess to be the E bloc choice if they go for that sort of thing again.
On the pop side it's between Greece and Armenia and my vote goes to the outsretched hands and long legs of the pretty Armenian girl.
Turkey have a competent band but have a competent, vaguely normal, band ever won? Will they ever? I doubt it and this isn't likely to be the first. San Marino have a real band too, and to my mind better but at 690-1 I get the feeling I'm the only one that must think so. Extraordinary odds. I guess they're not expected to get through the semis.
For idiots, back Ireland. Spain have a mad guy too with some Chiki Chiki crap which is desperate. 23-1 seems ridiculously short odds but they are finalists, I suppose.
The UK odds are now way out at an incredible 330-1. Put £3 in the pot for a £1000 return to help the celebrations! It surely can't stay that high - we are in the final, for heaven's sake! There's not much of that 70s ilk, either, so a bundle of judges of a certain vintage could help the old dustman. 14-1 to make the top ten sounds about right but if that goes out further it's worth a try.
Lastly, Poland. Now out at a crazy 290-1! I think it's a good song, good looking female. It's got some E bloc appeal and might collect some pop votes too. If Poland qualify, those odds will drop like a stone.
Still looking for that 'surpise' shot, the dark horse. Apart from UK, which sort of could be. Watch this space - and do some sums and get the hedging in while the odds are so favourable.
The odds have gone crazy. Here are today's top 10:
4.5 Russia
7.2 Serbia
8.2 Armenia
11.5 Ireland
14 Ukraine
15 Sweden
23 Spain
26 Greece
29 Turkey
42 Romania
Add Bosnia and Bulgaria, both 46-1 and drop Spain and you have the countries with odds of less than 2-1 of making the top 10, a pretty good indication that one of them will be the winner. At those odds, backing each with enough to win £100 will cost £89 so that has to be worth a go, leaving a bit for commission and for whoever you actually think might win.
The choice this year is between earnest ballad, pop, rock and idiots. I can't see why Russia are favourite unless Big Brother is pulling the voting strings and desperate to stop all those lands that were once theirs winning. Serbia has a beautiful, washing over the waves type of song with a nice female singer who isn't lesbian. That is my guess to be the E bloc choice if they go for that sort of thing again.
On the pop side it's between Greece and Armenia and my vote goes to the outsretched hands and long legs of the pretty Armenian girl.
Turkey have a competent band but have a competent, vaguely normal, band ever won? Will they ever? I doubt it and this isn't likely to be the first. San Marino have a real band too, and to my mind better but at 690-1 I get the feeling I'm the only one that must think so. Extraordinary odds. I guess they're not expected to get through the semis.
For idiots, back Ireland. Spain have a mad guy too with some Chiki Chiki crap which is desperate. 23-1 seems ridiculously short odds but they are finalists, I suppose.
The UK odds are now way out at an incredible 330-1. Put £3 in the pot for a £1000 return to help the celebrations! It surely can't stay that high - we are in the final, for heaven's sake! There's not much of that 70s ilk, either, so a bundle of judges of a certain vintage could help the old dustman. 14-1 to make the top ten sounds about right but if that goes out further it's worth a try.
Lastly, Poland. Now out at a crazy 290-1! I think it's a good song, good looking female. It's got some E bloc appeal and might collect some pop votes too. If Poland qualify, those odds will drop like a stone.
Still looking for that 'surpise' shot, the dark horse. Apart from UK, which sort of could be. Watch this space - and do some sums and get the hedging in while the odds are so favourable.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Ireland
Good grief! Don't ask - but remember, Ukraine came 2nd last year with something much worse! Just don't bank on 12 pts from Turkey! Not too sure if the Balkan bloc will really get this. But it's the current 13-2 favourite.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Eurovision 08
Here we go again! Andy Abrahams? Do we really see him getting the old douze points from countries whose own entries appear to be a combination of bizarre and second-hand bazaar. No. If only he could. But having borrowed the start of Sydney Youngblood's If Only I Could and merged it with bits of Edwin Starr he may find that any money he does make from success would be whisked away pronto and shared between Syd, Ed with a donation to any surviving members of The Chiffons who deserved more from George.
I'd have gone for the Revelations' catchy and timeless bit of fun, the best of a seriously poor bunch. Now to start looking at what's worth putting some money on elsewhere.
I'd have gone for the Revelations' catchy and timeless bit of fun, the best of a seriously poor bunch. Now to start looking at what's worth putting some money on elsewhere.
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