Bootcamp Pt 1

Having remarked at how rubbish the production has been so far in this season, and not exactly looking forward to reviewing what is usually the most annoying set of programmes, I have to say that Bootcamp this time has started very well indeed.

200 candidates will be whittled down to a mere 24 to go forward to the Judges' House round over two days, of which we saw the first 24 hours. For about 70 or them that had made their way to the venue, the only good thing was to see JLS live for a few minutes as one-third got sent home. presumably the judges realised that they'd made some mistakes during the audition rounds. We could have told them at the time and saved SYCO a few bob but never mind.

Tulisa appears as a blonde - a distinctly custard tint or that may have been my telly. Nicole is now on board rather more seriously so there's no ex-Spice Girls or a somewhat lame Leona to interrupt debate at this stage.

At the start of the programme we're shown glimpses of all the familiar people which is a pretty good hint as to who we can expect to see more of as the weeks progress. Basically, there's about 130 we've never seen so far and probably never will, apart from a fleeting glimpse in a large room or prancing around on stage.

Gary tells the remaining people that they have 72 hours and a massive digital display starts to count down in tenths of a second rather ominously and, to my mind, pointlessly. We then see him telling them It's been four hours... and the huge display says 57 hrs something or other. Continuity guys just got fired but at least Tulisa's hair is still custard coloured. Louis' hair has changed but that's nothing unusual.

So off we go.

Joe Douglas and Jahmene get through in the first group. Jahmene has been one of the favourites so far but still looks odd in a jacket two sizes too small. maybe the trousers are similarly too small which accounts for the falsetto. He makes a poor job of the audition track but is forgiven by the judges who clearly have him marked down for the live shows. Not so sure about Joe.

A group called From Above  get through next, as do Times Red and the two comprising MK1 now, both of these last two putting on an excellent performance. A group called The Lightbulb Thieves ask why they're not put through and all credit to Nicole for an excellent explanation which put her several steps up in my estimation. She's been good on X Factor USA too last year, if a bit indecisive in the live shows.

Lucy Spraggit scrapes through in her group despite a lousy performance but, again, she's almost got a ticket for the live shows too.

There is then a string of people, most of whom we've seen plenty of before, flying through. Amy Mottram, Leanne Robinson, Harriet, Maisy Sylvester, Jade Ellis, Carla Jaye, Eli Cripps and Melanie McCabe. I'm really not at all sure about a couple fo those names who were entirely new to me and probably you too. My guess is we don't see them for long.

two more groups fight it out: GMD3 and Triple J. Both were excellent and it's beginning to look quite difficult for whoever has to choose which three will be going through in that category. Cue some heavy disappointment scenes for a few weeks' time.

Britt Love beats both the annoying Collagen and the nice Deirdre Lawlor. I am very glad not to have Collagen's collagen and cleavage on the screen any more. But why give the annoying and untalented girl yet more air time afterwards?

There is then a slew of rejections, but no-one we've seen before so nothing of interest there. Gary was very firm and, understandably, getting a bit fed up with some pretty useless performances. Now I know that it is really crazy to expect people to work together and learn something they may not even think suits them or like in a short time but several really appeared not to have made any effort at all. If they really talented then they can get away with that but they weren't, and didn't, we,,, mostly they didn't.

Finally two more groups come along and really excel. Rough Copy and Mr Xoto or something like that were very good indeed. Unfortunately, you'll find that Rough Copy, who might have been dead certs to appear in the live shows, get cut as one of them doesn't have a valid passport. Duh!

I'm thinking that we haven't seen many decent boys go through yet. Plenty of Overs, Girls and even Groups but not many for the Boys  category.

Poisonous Twin join the groups going through and could add some fun to the live shows if Louis gets to choose. they don't really deserve a place on their singing although they're streets ahead of most of last year's.

Finally we get some in the Boys category. Jo Whelan is the only one out of five to get through. Then James Vickery and another favourite and potential winner James Arthur show how this stage should be handled with some excellent performances, followed by an extraordinary trio of gays who could be a group if someone wanted. Rylan and Gathan are joined by an odd-looking new guy to the screen, Octavio. Gathan is pretty full of himself and doesn't associate much with the other two but nevertheless they manage to pull off an impressive show of talent although I reckon Octavio's days are numbered and is there really room on the screen for both Rylan and Gathan. That'll be an interesting battle to watch.

Amongst the girls, now, the  very reliable Hayley and a new girl Nicola Marie, get through nicely. More boys in the shape of Jake Quickenden, and Adam Burridge are easily through but poor Robbie Hance, one of my favourites and who I saw as a definite live show contestant, simply tries to wing it and fails. I was really impressed, though, by his honesty and lack of show. He simply made a sign of having shot himself, lay down the microphone and walked off quietly. Very disappointing and if I were the judges I would still rush after him and give him another chance.

In Xtra Factor we see some more successes: Brad and Shelley and someone who appears to be called 2BStream join the Overs with some good vocals particularly from an elderly and not exactly pretty Shelley. 2BStream is a black guy with a very high voice.

Eddie Spring and Mitch Summers go out on the tiles and hit the sack at 4am. Eddie has a great personality and I get the impression he's extremely bright from some of the responses he gives. he's bound to annoy a lot of viewers but I'd like to see this Jagger-esque figure in the live shows. He'll either sink or swim. My guess is that he'll swim. Anyway, for all that, his performance is great but his drinking companion's isn't. So Mitch is quite surprisingly out but he's only got Eddie and himself to blame. They perform on stage with the much straighter Kian who is also through and hoping he can get on on his own from here.

We get glimpses of Clapz Shazzahne, or whatever his silly name is, who chats up anything in a skirt. Mia & The Moon, who should get through just because of their name in my view, three groups Array, LMNY and Electric Punx. Not sure whether any of the last three get through.

Someone with a name like Corm Malloy is though. No idea who he is and then we get to see that four very, very reliable performers are safely through, and likely live show contenders too, being Carolynne Poole, Melanie Masson, Christopher Maloney and Kye Sones.

I think I've counted 40 getting through so far. That makes about 60 that didn't and still 30 or so that we haven't seen at all. Maybe tomorrow?

We'll see. Or not, as the case may be. My feeling is that we will have seen the winner today. But I'm not making any bets yet!

X Factor UK: Bootcamp 2 - The final 32 selected (and it's not who you thought)

Even if you paid attention during the second Bootcamp show and carefully listened to the judges, Olly and Caroline on Xtra Factor you still wouldn't have got the right list of acts going through to the Judges' Houses stage. In fact, you wouldn't have even seen Holly Ripton before but there she is - in the Girls last 8. And who's that with her? Sarah Watson. Who? Uh huh - another you won't recognise.

The shows did, though, at last, show us most of the chosen acts and enough of them actually performing to convince us either that they well deserved their places abroad for a few weeks or didn't but they're going anyway and we can just hope that they don't make the final 3 and appear on the live shows when idiots could start voting for them and they might stay even longer.

You needed to watch The Xtra Factor  to get the best information in what is proving to be a considerably better production than in previous years. 

So, here are the (possibly!) last 32 acts for X Factor UK 2011. If there are no more surprises then these should be cut down to a final 12 so this is as far as 5 acts in each set will go. 

Girls (Kelly Rowland)

Misha, Janet and Jade are the likely Live Show stars and I have a feeling that Misha and Jade will give us all plenty to giggle about in tweets about clothing.

Boys (Gary Barlow)

Frankie and James are the front runners in the Boys but every one except John Wilding and Luke Lucas are strong contenders and all of them seem to be able to perform well.

Groups (Tulisa)

Goodness knows what is happening in Group Land! The only original groups to get through are Estrella, The Keys, Girl v Boy and 2 Shoes. Thankfully Kendro didn't make it. So there has been a massive construction job with solo contestants that didn't make it to their respective last 8s. This has usefully given another chance to a few who deserve to be there although quite how they'll fare in bands which, from most of the quotes from the judges during the shows, have been decided on how they look together! Good grief. Even as we watched the last of the tears been wiped away at the end of the Bootcamp Show, however, we didn't actually have the full story.

Rhythmix is actually made up of Jade and LeAnn picked from Orion, a band that had been put together by the judges at Bootcamp. Jessie and Perry joined from Faux Pas, which had also been created from solo contestants somewhere along the line. Obviously neither Onion nor Faux Pas had worked and Rhythmix is a much better name anyway. You have to feel sorry for the other contestants in Onion and Faux Pas, though, not just for the names of the bands they were momentarily having to be in but having been given that 'lifeline' in Bootcamp 1 it must have been pretty sad finding half of their band went through and they didn't after all that.

Overs (Louis)

What can I say? Oh dear. Only Louis could possibly look pleased with this strange bunch. Kitty and Carolynn have a lot of potential. Terry and Samantha can sing well but just don't strike me as being the sort of act that sells records other than at Christmas. Johnny is hilarious to watch but surely we're not going to see him in the Live Shows? Joe and JonJo are decent enough blokes but they're lucky to have a free bit of sunshine. And, yes, there's Goldie. As Louis said "I can't imagine a show without Goldie!" That just about sums that up then. at least there's no Wagner.

  

X Factor UK: Bootcamp 1 Hello Goodbye

I hadn't realised that there was enough grass in Croydon, South London, for over 200 X Factor contestants in the 186 acts who'd made it through to bootcamp. But there they all were and, on cue, most of them did the jumping up and down bit when the judges arrived in black Jaguars (Ford getting in on the UK act too!)

Once they'd settled down 32 acts learned that they were already at the end of the road which may not have been great news for them but will be a great relief to viewers as they probably shouldn't have been there in the first place. The remaining 150 odd were then split into groups and given one track to perform in Wembley later that evening. Now that was a lot better organised than the American Idol farce when everyone was told to form themselves into groups and we had to watch the ridiculous nonsense of the eventually winner wandering around for virtually the whole of rehearsal time trying to find a bunch of competitors who weren't put off by Baby Lock Then Doors which seemed to be the only song he knew last year. Here in sunny South London each group dutifully went and sat under a tree and, when not being disturbed by Olly or wasps, attempted to put together some kind of performance that might keep them on track for another week.

With only 32 acts scheduled to get to the next stage, judges' houses, though, that's one hell of a lot of people who'll be not making it. Roughly 1 act per group by my calculations. You got the impression they'd done the same sums too as the idea of a 'group' performance was pretty much forgotten by those with any sense and the big personalities just did what they felt like. Occasionally that got really embarrassing: Goldie snaking about and heading in Louis' direction, making his day but spoiling anyone else's. Plenty of other examples but, quite frankly, there's no point listing them as the whole thing is really for the judges to view how people interact and perform and all we get to see is a few seconds' worth of a few people which makes writing anything vaguely intelligent damn difficult.

Something else that is difficult to figure out as we have seen so little of them is the groups. You only had to look at the expression on Gary's face to see that Kendro survive a little longer, or it may have been Two Shoes. The Keys got some airtime and Estrelle a short burst but that was it. A lifeline was thrown to some of those who failed in the the first section - with some manufactured groups being arranged as has become traditional now. Last year's 1 Direction kept us entertained well until the final. That may give people like the previously excellent Derry a chance but hopefully not too many also-rans. The lifeline may be more for the programme's benefit this year as we've seen precious little that looks like coming close to winning so far.

All we can do is wait till tomorrow when we find out who gets through, who gets which categories and we can start to concentrate on the actual potential stars there and who can join Amelia, Misha and Kitty to challenge Frankie and Janet for the prize.

It's the year of the girls on X Factor (and manufactured bands)

So we've now seen this year's X Factor winner. Whether it was after a long, drawn-out weepy back story intro or a brief glimpse of Louis leaning forward with his chin virtually on the desk and grinning "Yes" as whoever that was who was flashed before our eyes is yet to be seen.

Another weird show that I can only imagine was put together by some new guy recruited from BGT or deliberately promoted above his level of competence by Simon Cowell anxious to ensure that his X Factor USA compares well when it is aired here on Thursday. A couple of guys performed well and the far better Xtra Factor showed us a girl who apparently has only sung in a bingo hall before who would have fared well if she didn't find herself up against Misha, Janet and Amelia at bootcamp.

The boys seem an odd assortment this year but the ones we liked best may well finish up with some of the girls in manufactured boy and girl bands. And, hey, where the hell were the groups this year? Knowing who seems to have made it through, I fear we're in for a dire time in that department unless the manufacturers have done as good a job as they did with Wand Erection, which I guess is possible but unlikely to provide a winner.

Kitty in the over 25s should survive for a good while if she can regain some love from the public by calming down a bit on the announcements of how great she is. Otherwise she'll go the way of Katie W last year but hopefully give us some good TV moments until she's voted out.

So it's the year of the girls for my money and Dermot will be so pleased to be up on the main stage and well away from the anxious parents and what I suspect will be tears, tears and yet more tears during bootcamp and, worse, the final cut at judges' houses. Get yourselves ready for some heart-wrenching viewing at that stage. Bootcamp will be what bootcamp is - a farce as people try to form groups with people they hardly know and deliver tracks they may well have little interest in but have to do something with to get through. I feel so sorry for anyone with a really individual talent and style who'll have to choose between going with the flow and hoping they get selected regardless of what their new temporary 'group' does and attempting to stand out and getting panned for being inconsiderate or not 'working with the team'.

My guess, though, is that the judges already have a pretty good idea of who they want in the live shows - well, they have actually already decided but I mean in TV time as we see it - and it's largely a matter of who they'll put into those groups that needs to be decided. The next couple of weeks will not be a pretty sight but, of course, it will be unmissable TV and I'll be getting into trouble by writing exactly what I think again.

Check out XFNow.org and AINow.org by the way, over coming weeks as I've been invited to contribute to their news which should be fun and get me into even more trouble! Yes, Simon, I have been warned. and so has @kirrisdad.