Thursday, March 17, 2022

Eurovision 2022: A quick look at the entries

With most of the countries having now issued their songs I shall make a quick summary of them and their chances in Turin in a couple of months' time.

Albania C

All a bit old-style now with the macho bloke and hard-nosed blonde. Very dramatic and an interesting blend of traditional sounds with attacking rap which will keep Albania in the points but not the top ten.

Montenegro E

Not at all inspiring. A bit of a mess that gets a bit better towards the end but a probable non-qualifier.

Belgium E

A miserable, messy song that I would think will have minimal appeal. Belgium are usually well-supported and tend to sneak in to higher positions on the night but I fear they'll struggle to make it this time. Voters keen to show their diversity credentials may well help this track to qualify but that's about it.

Ireland B

Strong and genuine pop song which will be quite popular. I can see this making Top 10s in the charts but the girl's performance is a bit lazy and could be less effective on the big stage which may reduce her appeal.

Spain B

One of the very few classic Eurovision entries - you know the sort, attractive girl with long legs and wearing little, doing a sexy dance number with a few blokes around. The girl does this well, admittedly, and may get plenty of the heterosexual voters' support and help Spain feel wanted after a few years in the doldrums.

Austria B

An energetic young duo with some good Euro-pop which is bound to get some support and plenty of votes. It's missing something though. It just starts and goes on. No shade anywhere.

Czech Republic B

A good entry this year. The group seem genuine and not just put together for the event. They perform well with a well-written track but it still lacks something to make it memorable and may just be a little boring. It's the sort of thing that can come 11th.

Ukraine A

If I can ignore the pink woollen hat and dreadful clothes generally this is the sort of thing that goes down well with Eurovision fans. Traditional stuff mixed with some mad rap that kinda grabs you. I don't know whether the juries will rank this very highly but I'm pretty sure every country will want to give Ukraine some votes this year in view of the terrible things that are happening there. Quite how things will look in May is anyone's guess but I'm pretty sure there will be a huge amount of sympathy and votes of support for the country if not the song on the night.

Ukraine could win this thing - more as a statement by everyone else than through the talents of the band. My feeling at this time, however, is that the volume of jury votes may pull them back to another 2nd or 3rd place.

Moldova B

You can almost rely on Moldova to have some fun and this year they do so again, albeit without the attractive girls and sexy lyrics. This year we get Hey ho, let's go, Folk lore, Rock 'n Roll . . . Oh dear.

United Kingdom A

Well, that's a surprise - a decent entry from my own country! This is the best entry for some considerable time. Spaceman may not be the sort of track I'll rush out to buy or play very often but the guy can sing and the tune's the sort of thing people will like and actually vote for. It's sufficiently different even to stand a chance of winning but let's say it's got a good chance of a top 10 finish and that's a rare thing to say these days.

The singer I had never heard of but he has a massive following on line and has tremendously good streaming results for the covers and original tracks he's done so there is a lot of genuine love for the guy and he clearly has experience and can handle the notes. Having said that, he's more familiar with his home studio and no-one nearby so the big, live international stage is new to him.

Finland C

They didn't chose the one I liked and have gone for an attempt to follow on Italy's heels. It's a good effort with plenty of appeal for the heavy guys and well put together. These follow-ons, however, never seem to succeed, being a year out of date already. It should qualify and gather a few votes to finish in the middle somewhere and get forgotten quite quickly.

Norway A

You can see the Iceland influence here with an attempt to ride on the back of their success in the year of no Eurovision. As for Finland, these follow-ons seldom work but this one has a lot going for it. It is clever Euro-pop and has to be a favourite with many voters. Visually and musically catchy it will get plenty of viewer's votes. Not sure about the jury, though. Watch how this does with Ukraine.

Netherlands A

A nice, genuine number that could easily grow on us. I can see this building quite a lot of support, especially if well-performed on the night. A likely Top 10 and maybe better than 10.

Serbia A

The second catchiest song in the competition. It's a weird 'be healthy' song with odd lyrics (in English at least). Strange woman doing the singing and washing her hands in a bowl on her lap. I can see people watching this a lot between now and the event but not actually rating it particularly highly. The jury people certainly won't as it's not exactly a challenging song to sing. And yet, it is so catchy . . .

Italy A

They're on for the double and can almost do no wrong, as used to be the case for Sweden, and the UK, for that matter! This track does get on my nerves, though, and I am not too sure people will be giving it as many 12s as they'll need with the irritating brividi still ringing in their ears. The guys sing well, despite the lyrics, and one had a great result on his own only three years back. Lots of support and a stand-out number heading for a Top 5 spot. My view is that they'll be pipped to the post on the night, though.

San Marino E

This is not at all pleasant and even a quite questionable performance. Maybe it'll get cleaned up for the show and anything about a male stripper will get some fans. I doubt San Marino will get through the Semis this year, though.

Slovenia D

All very 1970s. A tight band performance but you do have to wonder why. This is unlikely to get anywhere and is a bit odd in places and just doesn't hit any winning notes other than the band having the best-looking bloke in the competition.

North Macedonia D

This is a depressing entry. Maybe a talented girl and a genuine song rather than Euro-pop or just trash but I don't see it getting the sort of support which depressing songs need to get through to the higher reaches votes-wise.

Switzerland D

God this is slow and another sad song. They did well with a sad song last year but this simply doesn't have anything like the same appeal.

Denmark D

You see someone a bit like Cyndi Lauper on the piano and she gets up and turns a ballad into a frantic romp on stage with a bunch of other girl musicians. You'd think that would be good but it is just all very frantic and the girl drummer seems to be listening to a different track altogether. All good stuff if they were to get it together but still very much OTT and not in a good way.

Germany B

A slightly anthemic number here which we haven't had many of, giving this more of a chance than you might expect. It's rap but fairly good rap with some real passion. They'll get some points this year.

Poland B

One of the big strong ballads from blokes this year. And one of the best. It is a very gloomy song that just pulls you down, though, with little ongoing appeal. It'll get very good jury votes and must be considered a good chance for the Top 10 but I'm not sure the normal voters will give it enough to make the upper reaches.

Lithuania B

Sentimental is clever and probably inspired by the French #2 last year. That may well be its undoing as people will find it just a little uninspiring, having kinda heard it all before. It's sort of pleasant but sleepy and you spend a lot of time trying to figure out how old the singer is. France had a number you were inclined to sing or hum along to. Not this one. It'll be liked but not enough, I fear.

Latvia E

Eat your salad. This is a dreadful number that even dedicated Greens or vegans will not want to spend long listening to. Terrible.

Australia B

Another of the big bloke ballads. Don't really know what to make of this. The guy has some passion, for sure, but maybe too much that almost appears for show. Seems impressive and will certainly have plenty of support but not a winner.

Estonia A

 Hope. A great singer. Slightly old-style and almost Western-style. You could imagine this at the start or end of a 1960s Western TV series. That, of course, is good and bad news for the excellent singer of this third big bloke ballad. I like it a lot and tip it as a potential winner.

Malta D

Not at all good. The girl seems a bit amateur and I can't see her doing well on a big live stage. The song is neither here nor there and even qualification could be in doubt this year.

Georgia A

Finally a great entry from Georgia! They have for many years struggled either to qualify or get many votes with their very ethnic and maybe talented but difficult to love entries. This is modern, fun and really quite good. If it qualifies, as I do hope and think it should, then I can see this growing on people and getting them a good result for the first time. Well done, Georgia, and thanks for the support for Ukraine.

Croatia A

This is a very nice, very gentle track by a sweet girl. These tracks often surprise us by doing remarkably well on the night if well-performed. That's going to be the key to this one. If she does well, expect to see her in the Top 10.

Israel B

An impressive entry by Israel. Very much hitting all the right buttons but somehow I don't quite see it working. The guy sounds like George Michael and the song is impeccably written, with performance tricks copied from The Roop and others. There's a lot going for this but there's that hole I can't quite identify which is going to prevent it doing as well as many will think it should.

Cyprus C

We still get a very pretty girl from Cyprus but this year she stays well-clothed and doesn't do all the dance moves either. This is quite ethnic and not manic pop at all. It's not memorable, though or sufficiently different to get much worthwhile support.

France D

This is a bit of a mess as France go for the ethnic votes too with the emphasis on the Balkans this time. I find it difficult to see how this will go down and can only conclude that it won't be particularly well.

Greece A

This is a stand-out track again from Greece. Nicely sung with a slow build to make a good pop song that is reasonably modern and yet can appeal across the board. Much will depend on this girl's experience and how she comes across on the night. It ought to do well with both the juries and the public and one to watch for the win this year.

Armenia A

This is a really good song, written by Rosa Linn who performs it. Driving beat that builds well and it has an instant sort of appeal that I'm sure will get plenty of votes. Much depends, as always, on the extent to which the girl can cope with the huge live performance and present this professionally.

Sweden A

You can usually rely on Sweden to come up with something pretty good and this is no exception. An intriguing song that seems to have far too many words in each line. It will get many points from juries for its technical challenges and the singer seems very competent and experienced. There's both a gentle touch and a soaring appeal from this girl which the audience will like too. Another Top 10 for Sweden but still not a winner.

Bulgaria C

Straightforward heavy metal from the start to finish. All very old-fashioned and this seems to be riding on the back of the two similar entries that did so well last year. There is a group of voters who will give this support but it's not that great and never really makes you stand up and notice.

Iceland B

Here's a nice tune. Three girls with guitars and a chap drumming and it's the sort of track that just rolls along pleasantly and might even help you doze. It's very sweet and nice and all that but never really goes anywhere. You're almost crying out for some passion or, at least, something to tell you what any of the girls are looking for or what the message might be. It is one of those tracks, though, that will stand out on the night and it will certainly get through the Semis. A possible Top 10 but I have no real idea why.

Portugal C

Five girls with a very understated performance. A nice change to some of the OTT efforts we'll see and, like Iceland, it rolls along pretty pleasantly. There's a bit of clapping to emphasise the beat and you get the impression that these girls take their music seriously. It never really gets anywhere, though, and is a bit forgettable and doesn't seem that challenging either,

Romania B

A catchy number from Romania with something very typically Euro-pop that you'll be bound to hear at a holiday disco if there are such things as holiday discos these days. It could just as easily have been playing at a midnight taverna on a Greek island in 1980 as in the evening in Turin in 2022. People will like this cheerful number with its nod to the gay community whilst still having girls with long legs and black-mesh tights doing their thing on the stage around the bloke singing. He comes across as not the best of singers in the few videos I've seen so that will need to improve. If it does then expect Romania to grab a good few points.

Azerbaijan C

Well, we waited long enough and it hasn't really been worth it. The song is OK and the singer's pretty good but this is not going to make much of an impression. Azerbaijan usually get a good number of votes but nothing extra for this one.

That's 40 entries. I think that's all.


Tuesday, February 01, 2022

Eurovision 2022: Finland could do well if they choose Younghearted.


Nice track which may or may not make it to selection for Finland. It is very early days as many countries are just starting their selection programmes this week. Often super songs are in the lists competing to win selection for their nation and I'll try and unearth a few.


Sunday, May 23, 2021

Eurovision: The Result

Here is the full list of points for the entries this year. Many congratulations to Italy, who won the public vote, Switzerland, who won the Jury vote and France who came 2nd in both!

  1. Italy: Måneskin “Zitti e buoni”                 524
  2. France: Barbara Pravi “Voilà”                   499
  3. Switzerland: Gjon’s Tears “Tout l’Univers”      432
  4. Iceland: Daði og Gagnamagnið “10 Years”         378
  5. Ukraine: Go_A “Shum”                            364
  6. Finland: Blind Channel “Dark Side”              301
  7. Malta: Destiny “Je me casse”                    255
  8. Lithuania: The Roop “Discoteque”                220
  9. Russia: Manizha “Russian Woman”                 204
  10. Greece: Stefania “Last Dance”                   170
  11. Bulgaria: Victoria “Growing Up Is Getting Old”  170
  12. Portugal: The Black Mamba “Love Is on My Side”  153
  13. Moldova: Natalia Gordienko “Sugar”              115
  14. Sweden: Tusse “Voices”                          109
  15. Serbia: Hurricane “Loco Loco”                   102
  16. Cyprus: Elena Tsagrinou “El diablo”              94
  17. Israel: Eden Alene “Set Me Free”                 93
  18. Norway: Tix “Fallen Angel”                       75
  19. Belgium: Hooverphonic “The Wrong Place”          74
  20. Azerbaijan: Efendi “Mata Hari”                   65
  21. Albania: Anxhela Peristeri “Karma”               57
  22. San Marino: Senhit feat. Flo Rida “Adrenalina”   50
  23. Netherlands: Jeangu Macrooy “Birth of a New Age” 11
  24. Spain: Blas Cantó “Voy a quedarme”                6
  25. Germany: Jendrik “I Don’t Feel Hate”              3
  26. United Kingdom: James Newman “Embers”             0
As has often been the case, Moldova do far better than anyone expects them to. For me the only unexpected Top 10 nation this year would be Russia and I am surprised to Finland at 6th, bearing in mind that the rock lovers' votes would have been split. You have to wonder whether they would not have won without Italy's performance being so good.

For so long the favourite, Malta's performer looked pretty annoyed throughout most of the voting as it became clear that she wasn't going to win after all, or even make the Top 3. Iceland's 4th place may well be down to a great deal of affection for the group that has developed since they were unable not only to win (as might well have happened last year) but also not perform live this year. They deserved a Top 10 place anyway.

I was pleased to see Ukraine do so well, not just because of my own connection with the country but it was different and quite a remarkable performance that stood out with genuine talent, whether that particular talent is up your street or not.

The UK's dismal result may be dramatically bad enough to persuade someone somewhere that it should not be some BBC faceless committee that selects our songs and some real thought needs to go into how we approach this whole thing.

Entering someone who came 8th in an X Factor show some years back worked quite well for Lucie Jones who produced our last reasonable result, although even that wasn't particularly memorable at 15th. You have to wonder what would have happened if we'd entered someone who came 1st or 2nd. Joe McElderry, Olly Murs! Blue were our last reasonable effort, 11th in 2011. Our best recent place was Jade Ewen at 5th in 2009 and I remember that Sir Andrew Lloyd-Webber was heavily involved in writing the number and helping Jade with her performance. She already had experience on the big stage too, although was not as well known as we might have liked and might have been necessary to get a higher international recognition and vote. A lot of effort went into that year.

This morning (Sunday 23 May) I happened by chance to watch a programme in which a group of people were singing at a small church gathering in Woodford Wells, Essex. There were a number of songs that this group performed which would have blown the voting wide open had they been at Eurovision this year. I reckon they could well have won the thing as the songs were that good and the performance by the lead girl and bloke genuinely inspiring. Now I don't know whether Christian stuff is permitted in Eurovision and perhaps it is not permitted to support any particular religion other than the Devil or something Balkan and weird. Naturally it won't get the Muslim vote but I would say get hold of Simon Cowell, put these guys together and put them on the stage in Rome next year. Give the profits to the Church and everyone should be happy. We might even win. But for God's sake no more people we have never heard of or who write songs for other people but have no record of success in the charts, no more old people who are past their Engelbert sell-by dates, no more manufactured groups for the occasion.

And if those Church folk aren't available, call up Ed Sheeran, Coldplay, or someone who has actually had a pile of hits and is known abroad. No gimmicks, just talent and confident performance on the night. Give the public a chance to select one or two tracks out of a bunch of possibles. Not in a rushed week like we've had in recent years when only a few people listening to Radio 2 might have heard the choices more than once but over a decent period so they get a really good airing. James Newman sounded out of breath and seldom finished words properly. Normally that wouldn't matter in a pop song but with his voice and that song it did.

The BBC are in for a lot of criticism at the moment so now is a good time to make someone there take notice. We have had enough. It does affect us. Coming last in Eurovision, with zero points from anyone, is embarrassing. Some of us predicted this. Despite commentators saying how we really have a chance this year and trying to be positive and telling us all how James is a nice guy, most of us who have followed Eurovision for years knew damn well from the moment we heard the song that it was not going to do well.




Saturday, May 22, 2021

The Final

Cyprus: Elena Tsagrinou – El Diablo

Every Eurovision contest needs an attractive young lady in a sheer short dress or what looks like a body stocking with a few tassels here and there. Cyprus give us a super example in Elena as well as a commercial pop number that really should make the Top 10. Great way to start the show and she'll get plenty of public support but not much from the juries unless they're into Devil worship.

Albania: Anxhela Peristeri – Karma


This girl is quite scary and looks about 7 feet tall. She shouts at you too and you may feel obliged to vote but most people will resist the temptation. No chance.

Israel: Eden Alene – Set Me Free


Quite why this girl wants to take off her clothes at the end I don't know but the final clothing is mostly just her hair, braided and well-positioned. She'll hit some ridiculous notes near the end for no particular reason. Yes, no particular reason to vote for this at all. Another one with no chance.

Belgium: Hooverphonic – The Wrong Place


Belgium always do better than anyone expects them to and always seem to give us quite competnet and talented groups or singers. most can be a bit boring, though, and this year is very sleepy and I challenge anyone to try and sing along with it or remember much about it afterwards. So full marks for being in tune but not many marks for entertainment.

Someone make her stop. This is not a pleasant thing to watch or listen to. The first 'statement song' that Eurovision seems to encourage these days. Surely even woke kids won't like this either. We won't be going to Moscow in 2022. Dreadful number from a country that should know better.

Malta: Destiny – Je me casse


Statement song #2. Also horrible, noisy and most unattractive. Big girl bawling at us about how she doesn't want to go out with a bloke. OK. Don't go then but don't whinge about it. This is a nasty entry but lots of people will vote for it and the jury vote will be quite high. Many people think she will win. I fear she might but I am really, really hoping that someone will beat her on the night.

Portugal: The Black Mamba – Love Is On My Side


Thank goodness, something classy. This may seem a bit strange at first, even dated, but it's quite clever and you have to respect the main singer for being quite relaxed and totally in tune. It's no great hit but it's got class and style and a good performance could well get Portugal a Top 10 place.

Serbia: Hurricane – Loco Loco


Now this is what Eurovision used to be about - three scantily clad girls belting out a sexy song about some bloke they'd like to do lots of things with. They're good, very good, and will put on a show for us blokes and any woman that way inclined. They should pick up a solid Balkan vote as one of teh few representatives of the region with any hope. Another Top 10 finish.

United Kingdom: James Newman – Embers


Oh dear. When will the BBC sort out the process for choosing our entries? I have no idea who decided to give James the job but, nice chap he may be, he would not have won any public vote here and stands no chance winning any popular vote in Europe either. The song is very average and hasn't even had much impact in our charts, never mind anywhere else. I fear that this will finish in a lowly position, although not bottom this year.

Greece: Stefania – Last Dance


Here is someone who is very talented. A good singer and she has to manage a difficult visual routine too that is most impressive. that will bring her quite a few extra votes and I think she will succeed where Cyprus might not. Another top 10 number and a good pop song that would make the charts here if released.

Switzerland: Gjon’s Tears – Tout l’univers


This is probably the second classiest entry in the whole competition. a superbly written track that is full of atmosphere and it is a potential winner if the guy gets everything right. His running order position and possibility of errors, though, could bring him down a bit - but still a Top 10.

Iceland: Daði og Gagnamagnið – 10 Years


You'll remember the Iceland entry. A charming group of young people from Iceland with a pretty whacky entry. Last year they were strongly tipped to win or, at worst come 2nd (to a very cool Russian entry). They have had a lot of publicity this year and even the Eurovision film has helped their nation. Unfortunately, they are not able to perform live this evening due to someone in the group having the virus, and it will be a rehearsal recording that we see. I have a feeling that they will get a lot of support based on their sheer delightfulness as people and with the double sympathy of last year's miss and this year's tough luck. A potential winner and certain Top 10 finish.

Spain: Blas Cantó – Voy A Quedarme


When I first heard this song I was really impressed with the singer's vocal abilities and it struck me as one of the best ballads. So, if a ballad is to win then this would be up there with a good chance. From what I can see, though, every rehearsal has been poor, with mistakes or changes that don't help the performance. So many now tip this for a bottom position but I'll just say it's not going to be Top 10.

Moldova: Natalia Gordienko – Sugar


This is pretty dated stuff from Moldova. Natalia holds back on the sex, compared to her early presentations, but there is still no mistaking what she's after. Moldova always manage to entertain us and often get quite high on the board as a result, always surprising us! They'll get a few votes tonight too but this will not be one of their best nights.

Germany: Jendrik – I Don’t Feel Hate


At one point, very early on, I thought this could be a winner. the guy had a great personality and looked to be someone who would get lots of publicity and make friends left right and centre, across all genres. That hasn't happened, though, and it is all rather sad now with silly props and a message that is so much of a message that it's tedious now. I suppose that he could still appeal to lost of new viewers if he comes up with a really good performance on the night and I don't see him getting zero points as many predict. But not that many more.

Finland: Blind Channel – Dark Side


Rock comes to Eurovision and, after the last track many people will be either relieved or shocked. This is all out 90s stuff with ugly blokes doing ugly things with their tongues and middle fingers. It's a good rock number for all that and it is going to have a lot of appeal. If Italy weren't in the competition then it could even come near the top. they are, though, and that will reduce the points they receive as the lesser of the two rock entries.

Bulgaria: VICTORIA – Growing Up Is Getting Old


The only gentle, quiet song this year and Victoria will get a lot of votes for that reason alone. It's also modern and stylish. If she performs well and gets all the notes right then I'd expect her to do very well and get points across the board. Not quite enough to win but a sure Top 10 finish.

Lithuania: The Roop – Discoteque


One of not many fun and cheerful entries this year. Like Iceland, they were expected to do very well last year and this does seem to be a pretty similar track to the 2020 entry. It will get a good number of votes but I think they will just miss out on a Top 10 position.

Ukraine: Go_A – Shum


Possibly the most extraordinary entry this year comes from Ukraine and a very traditional and yet seemingly quite modern track that is infectious, despite its strangeness. You will remember this one. It will be performed flawlessly as the band are excellent and know what they're doing. Like Belgium but a lot more memorable and interesting. They could even win this year but maybe a bit too weird to do so. A Top 10 finish, for sure.

France: Barbara Pravi – Voilà


Top class, a wonderful entry. It is so good to see an attractive and very talented singer tonight doing something that seems a little dated but with passion. One of the very few believable performances that would not be out of place on a stage on Broadway or in the West End. A most definite potential winner. I have so often placed this one at the top but, forced to decide, I do wonder whether she might be perceived as just to dated and the woke and anti-ballad votes will all get picked up by Malta.

This has been in and out of my Top 10 prediction list for months. A very good singer but she has a lot of competition and I expect Serbia, Greece, San Marino and Cyprus to take away a lot of votes that she might have received without all that competition. So, despite what should be a good and in many ways typically 'Eurovision' performance, I don't see this making Top 10 without some money changing hands in the vote-counting room.

Norway: TIX – Fallen Angel


Dreadful number that shouldn't be here. I have no idea what came over Norway when someone decided to enter some 80s bloke in a white suit with a huge pair of wings. It's not something you'll remember the song from which is just as well as it's rubbish anyway. It'll be such a relief when it stops.

The Netherlands: Jeangu Macrooy – Birth Of A New Age


The Netherlands clearly don't want to host this show for another year. Another very forgettable entry that makes me wonder about the sanity of those making the selection. Not particularly unpleasant but just not good.

Italy: Måneskin – Zitti E Buoni


In complete contrast, welcome to stylish modern rock from Italy. This looks good and sounds good, with a classic Italian rasp that no-one else seems to be able to do. The group interact well with one's eye particularly drawn to the girl guitarist. It's a good number, performed well and it will get big support from many quarters as the only other rock entry this year. It is streets better than Finland and has an edge that they haven't. Italy is my chic as the winner this year but i suspect it will be a close call.

Sweden: Tusse – Voices


Sweden doing something that sounds like something written by a committee for a Eurovision entry. It's all very average, difficult to criticise but also difficult to get excited about in any way.

San Marino: Senhit ft. Flo Rida – Adrenalina


Very clever production places this act at the end of the whole show. San Marino usually have no chance at all and seldom make it past the Semis. This year they have a song that many Eurovision voters will like and a rapper called Flo Rida who will be the only person on the sage that anyone has ever heard of. That is definitely going to help the tiny country get votes from all over the place. they might even make the Top 10 and take a spot from Serbia or Portugal. Not a winner, though, even with that guy's help.

So there we go:

1 Italy
2 Malta
3 France
4 Iceland
5 Ukraine
6 Switzerland
7 Bulgaria
8 Greece
9 Serbia
10 Portugal



Thursday, May 20, 2021

Eurovision Semi Final 2

 This really should be quite easy to predict, compared to the first, at least. 

Certain to qualify and at the top of the ten to make the Final are:

Switzerland | Bulgaria | Iceland

Switzerland have been in the top 3 almost since the start of this years reviews. recent performances haven't quite matched the power of the video track and I am not convinced that it will win the Final but a Top Ten Final placing is very much expected and that, of course, means no trouble tonight.

Bulgaria and Iceland also, to a lesser extent. Always expected to be Top Five. Bulgaria could pull off a surprise. Iceland had been expected to win at one point but the song just doesn't quite match the 2020 production and we're quite used the them now so the novelty is wearing off as will some votes. Iceland will also not be live and that, I feel, will harm their chances a little but not enough to stop their advance tonight.

San Marino | Greece | Serbia

These three all feature girls doing what girls like to do - look good in dresses and dance. San Marino have a pretty rubbish song and a pretty rubbish and not very pretty singer but this tiny country has developed an almost cult status now in Eurovision. I think 2021 is the year when they'll get the votes, however little the track deserves it. Some rap guy called Flo Rida, who sounds more like a girl than a drug dealer, joins the girl on stage and he's famous apparently so will also get her a pile of new votes from people who like that stuff.

Greece is a straightforward pop song that would make the charts here if released as a single. It's not as catchy as Cyprus and the girl wears more clothes and sings better. Greece will be there. Serbia have another pop song that would make the charts too. Three very talented and quite sexy girls perform for our pleasure, well, for that of males of a certain inclination. They know what they're doing on stage and it is quite a rare thing now to see people who are familiar with the big stage and live work and can get the notes right. The track itself won't please everyone and that will bring their vote down somewhat but I reckon they'll be there on Saturday night.

Finland

Like Italy but a lot louder and more offensive and kinda stuck in the 1980s. It's rock, for sure, probably well done as Finland would expect, but voters will either love it or hate it and the middle finger reference will surely cost them dear. Withoit that I'd give them a definite Top Ten Final place. With it, just an average place. But they'll get through as the rest are really very crap.

Next we have what is essentially rubbish.

I have to pick three still. It is simpler to say who won't get through, I think. Poland won't despite their huge voting audience. It is simply a totally load of irritating and poorly preseted stuff. Latvia won't as it just doesn't work - the notes are all over the place and no-one will remember the song. Czech Republic's song is called Omiga or something which is pronounced Oh My God and that's all we hear most of the time. It was a familiar phrase back in the early 2000s but it is passé now and the track just doesn't sound cool. No chance. You'll forget Estonia and Georgia very quickly, possibly before they finish. Neither stand much chance tonight, never mind in the Final and you do have to wonder what their nation's were thinking when they decided to enter these tracks.

So we're left with  Portugal, Denmark, Austria, Albania and Moldova. Three of these will be in the Final. That's quite a bizarre thought as none of them should be.

Denmark is weird, kinda 1970s. I honestly don't understand what they think they're trying to achieve. But, oddly, they stand a chance as the final act of the evening and that often does better than it deserves. Pleasant enough blokes - and there feels like a dearth of blokes tonight so that could well be in their favour. Let's give Denmark a place then.

If Denmark is weird then Portugal are even weirder - but in a sort of jazz 2020s style. It's a ballad of sorts, song in a strange tone by a strange bloke but he does it very well and it sounds like something that should be on a rare LP rather than a song at Eurovision. It will attract some votes. Enough to get through? The jury's out.

Austria have a big ballad bloke. Again, we need some big ballad blokes, if only to compete with Spain for nearly bottom place (the bookies' view, not mine - I actually rate Spain quite highly). It's a song with about five words and one of those is Amen. Not difficult to remember. It's well sung but very tedious. But not as bad as the others so Austria may get a place.

Moldova always try to entertain us and most years they offer sex to all us men in one way or another. There'll be a short skirt, plenty of flesh on shop further up and big smiles and winks. The people they have given us in the past have actually managed to perform pretty well and genuinely made us smile or respect their nerve, at least. This time we have the blonde girl who wants to be 'sugared'. It sort of works but I fear that the voters will just not go for it tonight. She is definitely holding back on the sex thing, maybe trying not to put off to many female voters or religious types. That means she also loses a lot of the male vote too. Even a Eurovision male vote. It's neither one thing not t'other, as they might say in Yorkshire and I fear this girl will not make it as a result.

Last of the bunch is Albania. Classic Eurovision blonde in a white dress and being quite scary. attractive until you look more closely and realise that she's probably got very sharp elbows and a boyfriend with a big black Mercedes G Class doing big business on the streets of most European capitals. Not many of these have got through this year. We need one, at least so she may get that spot.

So the last few to scrape through merely because the rest aren't good enough are:

Portugal | Denmark | Albania

OK. Let's see.

Update:

Well, Moldova did get some votes after all and, thankfully, Denmark did not! Otherwise 9 preditions are through.


Tuesday, May 18, 2021

Eurovision: Semi Final 1

Later today the first Eurovision Semi Final will be broadcast. Who will make it through to the Final? This is a tough group but here are my predictions:

Very confident about these five:

Malta | Cyprus | Ukraine | Lithuania | Sweden

Undeserved, as not pleasant performances, but they'll still qualify:

Russia | Norway

Likely to sneak through:

Croatia | Romania

And that leaves one more place. Much as I'd like it to be Ireland, and they'd be the bookies' choice to make 10th place, I think either Azerbaijan or North Macedonia will make it. Azerbaijan have a commercial number and a mass of online supporters. North Macedonia have a well-sung ballad which, in this group, is almost unique whereas Azerbaijan have Cyprus and Croatia doing the pop song better. So I'll pick North Macedonia for place 10.

But wish Lesley Roy well!

The juries will already have voted, based on the evening performances last night. From what I can gather, Azerbaijan did well, as did North Macedonia. Ireland, Ukraine and Sweden let themselves down. I can't see this effected Ukraine or Sweden's qualification chances, though, and stick with my predictions as above.

Update 22:10 Tuesday

Well, I was wrong about the bottom three. Watching the show, I can see how Azerbaijan made it through with a very professional and confident performance. In contrast Romania was poor and jumbled, a shadow of what we've seen from the artist before. The big surprise for me is Croatia! The bookies, too, who had Croatia as one of the leaders of the evening, odds plummeting to around 100 at one point. Instead of these two we get Belgium and Israel. Both were uninspiring and I still can't see either making any impact at the Final at all. Azerbaijan could take votes from Cyprus, whose predicted place has already fallen.

I would have expected North Macedonia to make it through in preference to either of those after a stunning and near-perfect ballad from an excellent singer. Maybe just too old-style for Eurovision. Norway got through and was one of the worst of the night.

Ukraine seem to have made a significant impact with a spot-on performance.

Italy still retain the top spot but the dreadful Malta seem to have done themselves no harm with a faultless, if horrible, performance from their act.

We need France to put Malta firmly in her place on the night. 



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