Eurovision: Uk's 3rd idea: Sweet Lies

Not so sweet, really. Kerrie-Anne belts out the song like a Gloria Gaynor number with a bit of Beyoncé thrown in for good measure. It's commercial and drives along with a hint of foot-tapping but it is almost instantly forgettable.

Anisa puts a very different interpretation on the track and almost seems to plead with us to vote for her version. If Kerrie-Anne was forgettable then this never even started to be remembered. Pleasant but really not anywhere near good enough for such a contest as this. I am not even sure it would make the Top 20 in the UK, never mind convince an international audience.

Very disappointing.

It has to be the Maid version of Freaks for me. But that is hardly a winner.

Eurovision: Uk's 2nd idea - Freaks. Hmmm.

Jordan Clark and a group called Maid have a go at performing a track called Freaks in the BBC's second idea for Eurovision this year.

Jordan was an also-ran in a group in Britain's Got Talent and his effort is tedious. Surprisingly so for something called Freaks. You expect more. Very average and it has a strange bit near the end which sounds like the writers were trying too hard. His track has an awful lot of other people in the backing. Sounds like more than the 5 allowed for the stage.

Maid do a much better version and sound excellent. They each have credits in several stage shows in the West End and seem altogether more professional and less likely to collapse on the big stage in May. It's still nothing special and I feel it is not something that is going to do that well other than collect a few useful votes from the politically correct. It has the same odd phasing bit near the end which simply has to go. A nice performance by the three girls but I don't know that it will be good enough.

We'll see. The best so far.

Eurovision: UK's first idea. 'Bigger Than Us'.

Michael Rice is not a complete unknown, winning the TV series 'Altogether Now' and having busked for a while too is experienced. The song, though, is one of those you think is great t the start but then gets boring before it has even finished.

Bigger Than Us has a choir in the backing track which I cannot see being allowed on the live Eurovision performance so not too sure how that will work. It would need something like that.

The end goes wrong in my view and sort of loses the plot completely and you just don't get that satisfied feeling from a track that is needed for Eurovision. there's almost no temptation to sing or tap along either. I got really fed up with the word 'bigger' too.

So, no, that's no a winner.

Holly Tandy reached the Live Shows in 2017 X Factor, finishing a respectable 7th. Her version of this track is easier listening and, for me, more appealing and a touch more commercial. For all that, though, it will fare no better in Holly's hands.

Eurovision 2014: UK leave the old folk at home

No-one other than those who live in her street and some people at the BBC knows anything about Molly. After digging out some very old people for the last couple of attempts we're now going with someone a little younger (but still not that young).

It's a song that has the right sort of words in it apart from the beginning where Molly wants to drown some problems by drinking which may well not do her any harm in Eastern Europe but may upset the sober people of Belgium. The first few lines are decidedly weak and there will be a huge amount of pressure to get that to come across well but once she's past that it's pretty solid stuff and will get a good number of votes.

Molly's got a chance. That's a change.

Auntie chooses the UK Eurovision entry.

Molly is an unsigned songwriter, described as young in the press release and I suppose that she is indeed younger than the last two entries for sure.

This is Children of the Universe. I don't know.
http://youtu.be/fFqYbibLh8k

Maybe Ukraine will give us douze points now that they seem to have fallen out with Russia.

Bonnie Tyler to represent UK for Eurovision 2013.

Pleasant enough track but I fear she'll be Lost in, er, Malmo. What is it with whoever decides these things? One look at the charts across Europe is enough to show what people are most likely to vote for internationally and, whilst this won't do as badly as our recent efforts, it's not a winner.

UK odds tumble but Iceland jump as second #Eurovision Semi approaches

Engelbert Humperdinck must have done something to restore UK's odds of winning to a more respectable 18-1 tonight after increasing to well over double that after the first Semi Final.

On the other hand, Iceland seem to have lost a massive load of support, going right out to 80-1 currently, less fancied than even than the host country's pretty uninspiring affair. Maybe the President's family have just realised they had some investments over there with that bank that many of our own local councils seemed to like a few years ago.

Russia continues to firm up a potential 2nd place with only Italy offering any other generally agreed threat to Sweden.

However, Thursday night could well bring all change when we discover whether Loreen can really reproduce her amazing track on the stage there. As the rehearsals have now been completed and the big money will have been placed on the basis of how they went, it would seem that all is going well for a Stockholm trip next year.

The automatic finalists' entries for #Eurovision

Here are the last six reviews - the five founding nations of the contest who get automatic entry to the final and the host country. France and UK are the main ones to watch out for.

Germany

Nice ballad, well-written and performed. A likely hit across Europe but not a winning Eurovision entry. I can't quite put my finger on why but I think Engelbert wins out on tracks like this, despite his age.

Spain

You'll have to go here to see the Spanish entry for some reason best known to the organisers and their lawyers. after a quiet start and slow build there's a lot of passion and it is remarkably well sung. It lacks something, though, to really make it memorable. A good effort but not a winner this year either for one of the major players.

Azerbaijan

They'll get plenty of mid-range votes as the host. An oval-faced, hard-voiced girl sings this year and, whilst she is spot-on with the notes and all that, the song itself isn't that great and we'll be looking for another venue next year.

Italy

Boom boom boom. No, it's not that bad at all! In fact this is a highly complex track that is performed really well by the girl. maybe it's too clever for the Eurovision audience, though, and a touch over-produced. Certainly the video version was. A nice effort from Italy, who we don't see much of these days. I'd like to see it do well but it could just struggle to get the left hand side of the board.

France

Now this is a clever entry. the whistle is really really catchy and the girl is really really pretty. Add the fact that she can sing well and this is a potential winner and has to be top 5 unless the live performance fails to inspire. The video is good and, of course, much depends on what she wears, who does the whistling etc. Nevertheless, if you watch this you will remember it and that, to a great extent, is what matters when attracting Eurovision voters.

UK

I've dealt with Engelbert before so don't need to repeat his video here. As I said then, 45 years ago I would have turned off the radio at the merest possibility of his songs being played but I'm a bit older now and ahve to put all that behind me somehow! It is a very well crafted song and he can be relied on to do a great job with it on the night. There will be votes for the song, votes for the guy so he's sure to do reasonably well. Win? I don't see it but, if the voters like ballads, JEdward mess up the vocals, several pretty girls split the pretty girl vote and malta and Norway fight over theirs then the UK do have a chance.

UK Eurovision Entry

UK positions from 1957 to 2011. So where will Engelbert Humperdinck place UK in 2012?

Until 1999 the UK entry had only twice failed to make the Top 10 and in most years it made the Top 5. The UK even won five times and were runners-up a remarkable fifteen times. This century, however, has been pretty dire, coming bottom twice - now that's saying something when you recall how really bad some countries' entries were!

Jessica Garlick managed 3rd in 2002 and Jade Ewen a creditable 5th in 2009 but the other years are best forgotten.

So for 2012 what do we do to try and revive our former glory in this competition? We brush the dust off Engelbert Humperdinck, someone who we last heard singing Release Me, The Last Waltz or Les Bicyclettes De Belsize - usually briefly before the rush to change stations for 3 minutes. Now 76, Englebert sings Love Will Set You Free, a well-written ballad from writers and producers of excellent pedigree. It's not a track that does a lot for me but I can't be bothered to rush to change channels any more either.

It could be an inspired selection, though. There are many attractive dark-haired girls with pop songs and a fair few groups doing whatever thing their nation has asked. Engelbert does stand out and, if there are, as I suspect, few other really good ballads to catch the attention of our voting friends abroad then he could scoop up most of their votes whilst the pretty girls and boys may find their votes diminished by being shared with others.

I'd hate to make any predictions as this year looks crazy. But I think we'll make the Top 5 this year and feel respectable again. Our biggest problem could be Ireland's Jedward if they can play their backing track and mime. Waterline is a damn fine song. There are also some potentially very popular acts like Cyprus which could be so instantly addictive that they get the votes they need. More about them another day.