The Final

Cyprus: Elena Tsagrinou – El Diablo

Every Eurovision contest needs an attractive young lady in a sheer short dress or what looks like a body stocking with a few tassels here and there. Cyprus give us a super example in Elena as well as a commercial pop number that really should make the Top 10. Great way to start the show and she'll get plenty of public support but not much from the juries unless they're into Devil worship.

Albania: Anxhela Peristeri – Karma

This girl is quite scary and looks about 7 feet tall. She shouts at you too and you may feel obliged to vote but most people will resist the temptation. No chance.

Israel: Eden Alene – Set Me Free

Quite why this girl wants to take off her clothes at the end I don't know but the final clothing is mostly just her hair, braided and well-positioned. She'll hit some ridiculous notes near the end for no particular reason. Yes, no particular reason to vote for this at all. Another one with no chance.

Belgium: Hooverphonic – The Wrong Place

Belgium always do better than anyone expects them to and always seem to give us quite competnet and talented groups or singers. most can be a bit boring, though, and this year is very sleepy and I challenge anyone to try and sing along with it or remember much about it afterwards. So full marks for being in tune but not many marks for entertainment.

Russia: Manizha – Russian Woman

Someone make her stop. This is not a pleasant thing to watch or listen to. The first 'statement song' that Eurovision seems to encourage these days. Surely even woke kids won't like this either. We won't be going to Moscow in 2022. Dreadful number from a country that should know better.

Malta: Destiny – Je me casse

Statement song #2. Also horrible, noisy and most unattractive. Big girl bawling at us about how she doesn't want to go out with a bloke. OK. Don't go then but don't whinge about it. This is a nasty entry but lots of people will vote for it and the jury vote will be quite high. Many people think she will win. I fear she might but I am really, really hoping that someone will beat her on the night.

Portugal: The Black Mamba – Love Is On My Side

Thank goodness, something classy. This may seem a bit strange at first, even dated, but it's quite clever and you have to respect the main singer for being quite relaxed and totally in tune. It's no great hit but it's got class and style and a good performance could well get Portugal a Top 10 place.

Serbia: Hurricane – Loco Loco

Now this is what Eurovision used to be about - three scantily clad girls belting out a sexy song about some bloke they'd like to do lots of things with. They're good, very good, and will put on a show for us blokes and any woman that way inclined. They should pick up a solid Balkan vote as one of teh few representatives of the region with any hope. Another Top 10 finish.

United Kingdom: James Newman – Embers

Oh dear. When will the BBC sort out the process for choosing our entries? I have no idea who decided to give James the job but, nice chap he may be, he would not have won any public vote here and stands no chance winning any popular vote in Europe either. The song is very average and hasn't even had much impact in our charts, never mind anywhere else. I fear that this will finish in a lowly position, although not bottom this year.

Greece: Stefania – Last Dance

Here is someone who is very talented. A good singer and she has to manage a difficult visual routine too that is most impressive. that will bring her quite a few extra votes and I think she will succeed where Cyprus might not. Another top 10 number and a good pop song that would make the charts here if released.

Switzerland: Gjon’s Tears – Tout l’univers

This is probably the second classiest entry in the whole competition. a superbly written track that is full of atmosphere and it is a potential winner if the guy gets everything right. His running order position and possibility of errors, though, could bring him down a bit - but still a Top 10.

Iceland: Daði og Gagnamagnið – 10 Years

You'll remember the Iceland entry. A charming group of young people from Iceland with a pretty whacky entry. Last year they were strongly tipped to win or, at worst come 2nd (to a very cool Russian entry). They have had a lot of publicity this year and even the Eurovision film has helped their nation. Unfortunately, they are not able to perform live this evening due to someone in the group having the virus, and it will be a rehearsal recording that we see. I have a feeling that they will get a lot of support based on their sheer delightfulness as people and with the double sympathy of last year's miss and this year's tough luck. A potential winner and certain Top 10 finish.

Spain: Blas Cantó – Voy A Quedarme

When I first heard this song I was really impressed with the singer's vocal abilities and it struck me as one of the best ballads. So, if a ballad is to win then this would be up there with a good chance. From what I can see, though, every rehearsal has been poor, with mistakes or changes that don't help the performance. So many now tip this for a bottom position but I'll just say it's not going to be Top 10.

Moldova: Natalia Gordienko – Sugar

This is pretty dated stuff from Moldova. Natalia holds back on the sex, compared to her early presentations, but there is still no mistaking what she's after. Moldova always manage to entertain us and often get quite high on the board as a result, always surprising us! They'll get a few votes tonight too but this will not be one of their best nights.

Germany: Jendrik – I Don’t Feel Hate

At one point, very early on, I thought this could be a winner. the guy had a great personality and looked to be someone who would get lots of publicity and make friends left right and centre, across all genres. That hasn't happened, though, and it is all rather sad now with silly props and a message that is so much of a message that it's tedious now. I suppose that he could still appeal to lost of new viewers if he comes up with a really good performance on the night and I don't see him getting zero points as many predict. But not that many more.

Finland: Blind Channel – Dark Side

Rock comes to Eurovision and, after the last track many people will be either relieved or shocked. This is all out 90s stuff with ugly blokes doing ugly things with their tongues and middle fingers. It's a good rock number for all that and it is going to have a lot of appeal. If Italy weren't in the competition then it could even come near the top. they are, though, and that will reduce the points they receive as the lesser of the two rock entries.

Bulgaria: VICTORIA – Growing Up Is Getting Old

The only gentle, quiet song this year and Victoria will get a lot of votes for that reason alone. It's also modern and stylish. If she performs well and gets all the notes right then I'd expect her to do very well and get points across the board. Not quite enough to win but a sure Top 10 finish.

Lithuania: The Roop – Discoteque

One of not many fun and cheerful entries this year. Like Iceland, they were expected to do very well last year and this does seem to be a pretty similar track to the 2020 entry. It will get a good number of votes but I think they will just miss out on a Top 10 position.

Ukraine: Go_A – Shum

Possibly the most extraordinary entry this year comes from Ukraine and a very traditional and yet seemingly quite modern track that is infectious, despite its strangeness. You will remember this one. It will be performed flawlessly as the band are excellent and know what they're doing. Like Belgium but a lot more memorable and interesting. They could even win this year but maybe a bit too weird to do so. A Top 10 finish, for sure.

France: Barbara Pravi – Voilà

Top class, a wonderful entry. It is so good to see an attractive and very talented singer tonight doing something that seems a little dated but with passion. One of the very few believable performances that would not be out of place on a stage on Broadway or in the West End. A most definite potential winner. I have so often placed this one at the top but, forced to decide, I do wonder whether she might be perceived as just to dated and the woke and anti-ballad votes will all get picked up by Malta.

Azerbaijan: Efendi – Mata Hari

This has been in and out of my Top 10 prediction list for months. A very good singer but she has a lot of competition and I expect Serbia, Greece, San Marino and Cyprus to take away a lot of votes that she might have received without all that competition. So, despite what should be a good and in many ways typically 'Eurovision' performance, I don't see this making Top 10 without some money changing hands in the vote-counting room.

Norway: TIX – Fallen Angel

Dreadful number that shouldn't be here. I have no idea what came over Norway when someone decided to enter some 80s bloke in a white suit with a huge pair of wings. It's not something you'll remember the song from which is just as well as it's rubbish anyway. It'll be such a relief when it stops.

The Netherlands: Jeangu Macrooy – Birth Of A New Age

The Netherlands clearly don't want to host this show for another year. Another very forgettable entry that makes me wonder about the sanity of those making the selection. Not particularly unpleasant but just not good.

Italy: Måneskin – Zitti E Buoni

In complete contrast, welcome to stylish modern rock from Italy. This looks good and sounds good, with a classic Italian rasp that no-one else seems to be able to do. The group interact well with one's eye particularly drawn to the girl guitarist. It's a good number, performed well and it will get big support from many quarters as the only other rock entry this year. It is streets better than Finland and has an edge that they haven't. Italy is my chic as the winner this year but i suspect it will be a close call.

Sweden: Tusse – Voices

Sweden doing something that sounds like something written by a committee for a Eurovision entry. It's all very average, difficult to criticise but also difficult to get excited about in any way.

San Marino: Senhit ft. Flo Rida – Adrenalina

Very clever production places this act at the end of the whole show. San Marino usually have no chance at all and seldom make it past the Semis. This year they have a song that many Eurovision voters will like and a rapper called Flo Rida who will be the only person on the sage that anyone has ever heard of. That is definitely going to help the tiny country get votes from all over the place. they might even make the Top 10 and take a spot from Serbia or Portugal. Not a winner, though, even with that guy's help.

So there we go:

1 Italy

2 Malta

3 France

4 Iceland

5 Ukraine

6 Switzerland

7 Bulgaria

8 Greece

9 Serbia

10 Portugal