Ukraïner: The Movie

Cock-up On The Eastern Front

It seems that there was a mistake in the way the Belarus jury votes were allocated. They had been excluded from applying their actual votes as their Semi final results had been released published early, against EBU regulations. Instead, someone invented some scores! But they got the formula wrong - or the formula may have been right but the calculations wrong! Whatever the case this is all a bit weird and has resulted in a change in the final results.

The Netherlands, fortunately for everyone other than Italy, still win and the Top 4 remain the same. Sweden are now 5th and Norway 6th and North Macedonia 7th. There are a few other changes too. Here are the revised scores in total:

1. Netherlands (498)
2. Italy (472)
3. Russia (370)
4. Switzerland (364)
5. Sweden (334)
6. Norway (331)
7. North Macedonia (305)
8. Azerbaijan (302)
9. Australia (284)
10. Iceland (232)
11. Czech Republic (157)
12. Denmark (120)
13. Cyprus (109)
14. Malta (107)
15. Slovenia (105)
16. France (105)
17. Albania (90)
18. Serbia (89)
19. San Marino (77)
20. Estonia (76)
21. Greece (74)
22. Spain (54)
23. Israel (35)
24. Belarus (31)
25. Germany (24)
26. United Kingdom (11)

There's really nothing I can say.

The bookies were right after all!

Well done to The Netherlands. Although they didn't win either the Jury or Tele votes, they did accumulate enough points to win overall. I was pleased with my predictions and Norway did win the Tele vote, with North Macedonia very nearly winning the Jury vote!

Italy 2nd
Australia 9th
Russia 3rd
Azerbaijan 7th
Sweden 6th (1st in Jury Vote)
The Netherlands 1st
Iceland 10th

Long shots
North Macedonia 8th (2nd in Jury Vote!)
Norway 5th (1st in TeleVote!)
Switzerland 4th

Here are the summaries:

Eurovision 2019: Too Close To Call?

Italy's guy has not performed well so far so, unless he can pull something exceptional out of the bag on Saturday night I fear that instead of being a possible winner he may not even make Top 10.

Australia remain my first choice for the #1 spot but watch out now for Norway and, as a very long shot, North Macedonia, who I have been hinting should do well for a long time. That's a possible Top 3 with only Iceland likely to upset the party.

For Top 5 expect to see Russia or The Netherlands join the leaders.

For Top 10, add Sweden, Azerbaijan, Switzerland and Czech Republic

Clearly this flies in the face of the bookies, with North Macedonia out at a crazy 560-1 as I write! The Netherlands are 6-4 on to win. Even Norway are out at 70-1. It's like everyone has bet on The Netherlands and so the bookies' calculators have had to produce this amazing range of odds for everyone else.

I don't recall just one entry being so far ahead since France some years ago. they were seemingly bound to win but on the night a poor performance that simply did not match the video at all left them floundering way down on the right hand side of the board. Loreen was always looking likely but she did still have some others in close competition in the betting at this stage.

If we can swallow the fact that The Netherlands may not win, after all, then I can imagine any of another ten acts winning if the perform well on the night and catch voters' attention (and have already bagged a decent jury vote). so, unless the bookies have seen the jury votes and they show The Netherlands as so far ahead as to be almost unstoppable, I think this will be a close one to call.

The Netherlands stay firm favourites but I don't know why

The second Semi Final went very much according to most predictions.

Armenia's girl brought us more thigh-length boots but she was too scary and just missed the cut.

Ireland really let themselves down terribly with such a poor singer, ineffective song and they must be now thinking that had been a huge mistake to put this girl in the show in the first place. the girl was almost permanently out of breath and that's not in a sexy or sultry way - just purely amatuer. So they never had a chance and will have been last or almost last.

Moldova's girl had that annoying accent which many from other countries have when trying to sing in English. The snow work by the Ukrainian artist was pretty but seemed rather disconnected to the song and there just to get attention. Whilst there were some great notes and the girl was in tune, this was not good enough to get through.

Switzerland sailed through with the guy who seemed popular. It's a nice commercial number that would not have been out of place in the 90s. With all the PC stuff at Eurovision I'd be surprised if it gets Top 5 but it is a good song.

Latvia have a well-sung, gentle number. It's simple, honest and well presented but has been at the bottom of the list of those expected to win since the start and is likely to fail as there just isn't anything to lift it and make it more memorable or lovable.

Romania have a curious entry. Some bits are very good and there's talent there but then there are also some pretty bad bits too. They're going home.

Denmark have a vaguely similar sort of entry to Ireland but this girl gets it right. A gentle but cheery number that seems to last quite a lot longer than the others! It doesn't but just seems that way. It's not a winner but makes the final. Why on Earth they need a big chair I have no idea. Sweet but no winner.

Sweden have a very confident and professional guy singing. He's good but I'm not convinced that the song is that great. Is he the only black guy in the Final? He's got lots of crowd support and Sweden are there, of course, but I don't see this doing the Top 3 thing that everyone expects.

Austria have a clever song but it is lost in the background noise. The girl tries hard but it's all a bit too much like hard work for most of us and Austria won't be in the final this year.

Croatia have one of the few real ballads and it is very well sung. The wings are all a bit 1980s and may lose them some votes. Nice job made overall and this might just sneak through into the final, I'd thought. It didn't. My guess is that it won't have missed by much.

Malta, like Ireland, are off-key from the start. It has a strange beat and really is not the best of songs and not performed well either. People had been praising the Maltese entry this year but I'm not sure it even deserves to get to the Final at all. It does, though.

Lithuania is tedious and really not worth writing much about.

Russia have an impressive song and performance from one of their best guys. It's smooth and classic but lacks something that makes it a winner for me. Certainly they're in the Final again.

Albania are impressive too. A very well-sung and traditional type of performance that we haven't seen many of so far. An impressive and interesting song which may just slip into the Top 10 and surprise people.

Norway have one of the best opening vocals and one of only a few catchy entries. If I can get Gary Barlow out of my mind then this stands a chance of surprising everyone and being Top 3.

The Netherlands are the out-and-out favourite to win and stay even further ahead after tonight's performance. It's a nice number, not easy to sing but lacks personality and I don't know how this guy will really 'connect' on the night. I just don't see this winning.

North Macedonia have one of the best songs in my opinion. It is sung really well. No fancy effects. Just a cool performance. I am delighted to see them get through and reckon they may well give everyone a surprise on the night.

Azerbaijan have a good pop song and make it through this year. There aren't many of the old Soviet countries in there this year so that will benefit them considerably. Well-presented and better than Sweden. It gets a bit boring but different enough to do fairly well.

My ranking was:

1 Norway
2 North Macedonia
3 Russia
4 Netherlands
5 Azerbaijan
6 Sweden
7 Switzerland
8 Croatia
9 Denmark
10 Albania

In the actual votes, Malta made the Final. Croatia didn't.

Iceland and Australia win a lot of votes in Semi Final 1

Here are the top ten as predicted by Betfair's odds after the first Semi Final.

Australia did a super job, both visually and vocally, bringing their odds down substantially and now they must be regarded as a potential winner in what is proving to be a very open competition.

Iceland did themselves no disservice either and their unique entry in a year of generally tedious and non-memorable tunes may give them an opportunity to win by simply being the only one that's in the style a certain type of voter likes.

I gave 3rd place to Slovenia. The pair did seem a little too twee and quiet but there was a certain charm and that clearly also appealed to voters as they sailed through to the final. Their presentation does smack of Spain's effort last year - which didn't find a great deal of support on the night - so I doubt it will get far. Spain made it just one place above UK in 23rd in 2018.

4th place went to Czech Republic with a professionally delivered cheery number which I think people will love. One to watch which could surprise us all.

5th Cyprus. The girl is nowhere near as good live as she is on the video but i do like the boots and it does, at least, sound like a modern pop song.

6th Greece. Strong vocals and this will also be fairly popular. Not a winner, though, but certainly deserves to be in the Final.

7th Serbia. A serious blonde this time. No thigh length boots. It's a slow anthemic song and there aren't too many of these for her to compete with so she'll pick up a good few points for this. Someone for the Balkans to vote for too.

8th Hungary. I thought the guy deserved to get through with his traditional-sounding track. Not many of those in the Final this year so far. But he gets dropped.

9th Belarus. The other sexy girl in this Semi Final and she gets through despite all the criticism that Belarus have nothing other than sex on their mind at Eurovision. I can't tell whether she hopes he'll like it but I'm sure plenty of blokes out there in voting land will. Win? No chance.

10th Belgium's reasonably modern pop number was one I thought might scrape through but the young lad's performance was not really up to much and he gets dropped.

11th Finland. Only Because Darude should be in the Final as he's Darude. The other bloke let him down badly, though.

12th Estonia. A casual bloke just turns up and sings! His high notes are rubbish and I've heard something like this before. Remarkably, he gets to the Final.

13th Georgia have a strong national-sounding song - all classic stuff from the region but that bloke's eyes will have scared most voters away.

14th Montenegro. A pretty dreadful number. The guys and girls try but fail miserably.

15th Poland. My ears hurt. Weird teen singing. Good co-ordination but I have absolutely no idea what that was all about.

16th Portugal. Horrible. I prefer the Polish teens to this mess.

17th San Marino. Oh dear. This is almost laughable as it is so bad but, wait, it gets through!! Ha ha! Oh boy, this is Eurovision for sure.

So there is still a lot to happen with the second semi set to wheedle out another 8 contestants. That shouldn't be too difficult at all as there are some clear acts which are almost guaranteed to be there and some which will most definitely not be.

Whilst the Netherlands are still out front my own feeling is that it will be either Iceland or Australia for the top slot. Russia, Czech Republic and Italy making up the top 5.
The Netherlands will certainly be Top 10, with Sweden, Norway, North Macedonia and Azerbaijan making up the rest of the 10. Cyprus and Greece will be lurking and could swap places with one of these.

Eurovision. How Low Can The Netherlands Go?

With just over a month to go it's a good time to see how the main contenders have been faring at the bookies.



What is evident is that The Netherlands have stayed clear favourites ever since Russia's entry was released. Whilst not bad, the second attempt by Sergei to bring Europe to Moscow has not really excited anyone much. However, as the only 'Eastern' nation that seems to stand a chance, Russia is very likely to win by default in that all their friendly neighbours and those who do not wish to offend Big Red will give them bags of votes near the top end of the scale and that may well be sufficient in  a year with no obvious stand-out so far.

The only other ex-Eastern bloc country to stand much of chance is Slovenia but their still out at about 60-1 and haven't changed over the months much at all.

As the artists start to perform at various places you get feedback from people there and it is apparent who has impressed audiences and who may have been rather disappointing.

Iceland seem to have suffered most in this respect. They have a pretty mad entry anyway which will annoy many but which is so out there on the left field that it is unique this year. That could well mean that Iceland attract all the odd votes in their entirety and score well as a result. That's presumably what the logic was when their video came out and there was an almost commercial version of a track about being non-commercial. You could almost imagine it winning. At one point they were second to Russia and stayed in the Top 5 for a long time. Now, though, I am guessing that some poor live performances or negative publicity has lost them some backing.

Greece have suffered too. Again, I am assuming that the singer just hasn't been performing well. The three girls from Greece, Cyprus and Malta have been jostling for position throughout the last few weeks. Malta and Cyprus seem to be doing the better job now.

Competing for 2nd place with Russia are Sweden, Italy and Switzerland. Sweden have something just like Russia. An OK song. A good singer and a song that sounds like it was written by a committee. So it should keep the Swedes in the Top 10 but it really isn't going to be something that we remember afterwards. In fact, they may even get a shock if other nations decide to say that they've had enough of the formula type of entry and give another Nordic entry a chance. Not Iceland, hopefully, but maybe Norway or Denmark will get a look-in.

Switzerland have a surprisingly good pop song but, as it is about some guy appealing to girls on the dance floor I suspect it may not win the PC votes. So it's good enough to win but it would be seen as a retrograde step, I suspect, and various bots would be charged up ready to ensure it just misses the Top spot on the night.

Italy have, in my view, the best chance of defeating the Ruskies and The Netherlands and winning this year. They have consistently come up with remarkably well-written songs over recent years and have been very much in with a chance each time. This may seem one of their weaker efforts at the start but it grows on you and has a suitably anti-establishment theme which will satisfy the Icelanders while not upsetting anyone else particularly.

If the Russians don't use their hacking powers to win then they may accept the Italian venue for 2020 and move swathes of votes in Italy's direction.

The Netherlands entry, just like many in the recent past, is very pleasant and warm and soft and unoffensive. I am happy to play it at home and I can see it will have plenty of appeal. Whether it will warrant lots of 12 pointers I don't know. The Netherlands is one of those nations other countries feel they can vote for and not cause problems with their governments. It's a pretty open and Eurovision-friendly nation with lost of posters about sex, sculptures of bits of one's anatomy in parks and how they're happy for people to do whatever they like wherever they like within reason. The Netherlands is a natural 8 point vote for almost anyone and they'll do well. Win? I still don't think so.

At the moment I favour Big Red and Italy but watch out for Iceland and North Macedonia if she gets past the Semis (which is touch-an-go as things stand at the moment).

For my home readers, I am afraid that our nice chap and pleasant song is going nowhere fast this year, despite there not being much by way of competition. The UK will gather a few votes along the way and maybe get several steps up from the bottom if the chap does a good job on the night. But it's another forgettable evening for the UK, I'm afraid. Over in Ireland, too, I fear there will be a lot of disappointment as their entry is not even expected to make it through the Semis. I am surprised as it seems quite a good entry but I can only imagine that the girl isn't performing well or there's something people just don't like about it. Odd, but there you go. The axis would have to stretch up to 350 for the UK odds and 700 for Ireland!

Iceland The Terrible may hold off Russia Winning in Europe

The weeks are passing by and it seems that no-one has affected their chances one way or the other to any great degree so far. Entrants have begun circulating amongst radio and TV shows across Europe and people should now be beginning to recognise a few of the tracks hoping to pull off victory this year in Eurovision.

The Netherlands remain the bookies' favourite but I still see them coming somewhere else in the Top 10.

Switzerland have possibly the most commercial track this year and punters have been supportive, with several good reviews. They have pushed Russia into 3rd place for now.

Italy have been one of the best nations to advance in the polls at this stage, currently in the lead in what was once a three-way battle with Sweden and Iceland. Now Greece, Cyprus and Malta have joined the sub-20-1 group recently. Malta have dropped out over the last couple of days but these nations all seem very comfortably placed ahead of the candidate for 10th place, Norway.

Norway have slipped quite a lot and now rank pretty much with Portugal who have been at 11th place almost since betting opened.

Slovenia's pleasant little ditty lies in 12th place and that is really it. All the other contenders are at 100-1 or much more and are not expected to do much this year by those parting company with money at this time.

I still would not rule out North Macedonia and their current odds of 250-1 could make someone a fortune if they were to do as well as I suggested they might a while ago. That's the one long-shot I can provide. North Macedonia are in a Group which has a great many nations almost certain to qualify and it is still touch-and-go whether they'll make it to the Final because of who they're up against. Assuming both Armenia and Azerbaijan make it (and they usually do) then North Macedonia will have to beat both Albania and Ireland to get to the Final.

Austria might have had a chance with a particularly emotional number, well sung and constructed, but which also is in the same group and is really not thought to be likely to make it at all at 700-1.

There is never anything certain about Eurovision other than Greece and Cyprus voting for each other and they should both get the chance this year. Greece have a particularly experienced and good singer and she should do well. It will be an interesting competition between the two but that may actually affect each of their chances to win. I suspect that one or the other will get many non-neighbouring countries' votes whereas last year Cyprus damn nearly took the prize with Greece out of the way.

Iceland are really, in my view, the main contenders now. This is quite different to my view a few weeks ago but they are a stand-out act, very different from everyone else and will either be loved or hated by the masses. Those who love the anti-establishment, anti-Capitalist and anti-almost-everything-other-than-hate stuff will give it top marks and I have a feeling that there will be plenty of them. Every other act will get a few 12s here and a few 10s there but none, to my reckoning, in great abundance. So the winner will be whoever achieves either most 6s or 5s or Iceland.

That's all very much In Russia's favour, even more so by the paucity of any other Soviet family entry. In the Final I reckon there'll be Slovenia, Azerbaijan and maybe Armenia or a distant outsider like Belarus. That's all. So all those family nations will be giving the few that make it their best marks and that may be enough on its own to put Russia in an easy 2nd place. After that, it's any one's guess!

Much now, could depend on whether any of the acts can really impress and cause a bit of an Iceland -type stir with a star performance somewhere. So far nothing much has been heard of the UK entry which looks like finishing in the lower regions yet again.

1 Iceland
2 Russia | Italy | Switzerland
5 Greece
6 Malta | Norway

JEdward Songwriter To Help Russia In Israel

This is Russia's Eurovision entry. Sergey Lazarev is good. He's an experienced singer and performer and can be relied upon to do a good job on the big night. Firstly, yes, Russia will be in the final until last year when they slipped up with the very poor Yulia Samoylova. Secondly, yes, this has a great team of writers and instrumentalists behind the scenes, (including the Irish Sharon Vaughn who composed Waterline for JEdward in 2012!). That was a superbly written song, just let down by the boys who didn't deliver on the night.

So this has a hell of a lot going for it and yet, no, I don't think it'll win. It's OK, it's a big number and has all the right heart-warming notes and chords but it never quite makes it. You don't really remember it afterwards. It could do well with the juries but will it win the televote (as he did last time)?

In the video there is a sort of double voice going on which Sergey will not be able to do on his own in a live performance and there's also a lot happening in the background which may be less easily reproduced live.

At the time of publishing this, the bookies give The Netherlands the edge and they're now favourites. It's a close run thing, though and, with Sweden and Armenia yet to declare, and we know they ought each to have a strong entry, it is still anyone's guess.

North Macedonia, incidentally are at 110-1.

Eurovision. The possible winners?

There are, at last, one or two entries in this year's Eurovision Song Contest which make the show worth watching again. Russia, Sweden, Armenia, Malta and Israel have yet to release their entries and each is expected to be strong so no-one can predict much at the moment as to a winner.

Above I feature North Macedonia's entry. I think it is one of the best although it is not at all fancied by the bookies at the moment. The country used to be referred to as the Federal Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia which was never going to get them many votes and they've really not done terribly well in Eurovision, usually failing to reach the final. This year they will and I have a feeling that, if the singer performs well on the stage, they'll surprise everyone.

Switzerland won't get the politically correct vote so will probably not make the top spot but their entry is possibly the most likely to be a chart topper and I can see it getting played a lot in whatever discos are called now in the holiday hotspots.



The Netherlands have a much-fancied entry. It's a well-written and very well sung track although I wonder if its delicate parts might get lost on the night and it does need the choir-like backing which I don't know how they'll reproduce in a live performance. It does just end rather oddly, though, which may not make it as memorable for the judges and voters. nevertheless, expect The Netherlands to be in the Top 10.



Norway won't leave with nul points this year. The group is a slightly odd mix but it is a strong, initially pretty traditional Euro-pop number with an interesting Nordic feel about it. Just as you start to get a little bored, however, and are wondering whether that is Gary Barlow singing, some weird noises emerge from one of the older blokes and it has a certain power which should get a good few votes. A strong number, especially with that Gary on the team.




After last year's very near miss and the pretty and pretty impressive performance we got on the stage, Cyprus have to meet high expectations. They may just do that with Replay which has another of the island's beauties giving us a modern track which could easily make most of the charts across Europe. It has that big, fat brass thing going in the background which several tracks have featured this year and it is almost as if a new button has been programmed into whatever software everyone is using in track production these days. I don't think Cyprus will win this year either but this ought to keep them in the Top 10.



Italy have yet another clever song and the singer reminds me of the guy who really should have won a couple of years ago with the amazing song form Francesco Gabbini and gorilla. You remember that one. Well this isn't quite as good but is modern, very italian and cool. Again, much depends on how well the singer comes across on the night and it isn't a winner but I expect it'll keep Italy up there with the best this year.



Belgium have a very well-produced number but I just don't know how the young singer will come across live on the big stage. It's a great song and would make the charts here and abroad so I expect it will grab plenty of attention but a winner? I have my doubts.




And that, I'm afraid, is it, so far.

Global freezing: Iceland scary 2nd favourites to win Eurovision

This, believe it or not, is the second favourite with the bookies to win Eurovision out of the 25 songs released so far.

Portugal have also gone for the weird and wonderful but commentators will probably coin a phrase that makes the strange noises fit some genre or another. With their tuneful solo victory still fresh in our memories, no-one likes to be rude but I do have to remind you that Portugal came last - in Lisbon - last year.

Sweden's incredibly lengthy process to pick an entry goes on and on but they are down to choosing between two at last so maybe they'll push the likes of Iceland down the rankings soon enough. After all this time, you tend to expect something that is guaranteed to be top 4. From the songs released so far, though, that shouldn't be too tough. I'd even give UK a chance as things stand at the moment.

Worrying times.

Ukraine seems to have let Russia march in and nobody else is anywhere near stopping the Red Flag being raised in Tel Aviv

By not participating this year, Ukraine have left the door open for Russia to march in and steal not just the show but all the money for hosting it next year. Putyin is putting up his best singer Sergey, who is not only screen-friendly but he can sing and is hugely popular even amongst nations whose population largely comprise people trying to escape the Big Red Flag.

The bookmakers place him miles ahead of anyone else - and we haven't even yet heard the damn song!

Presumably, if the song is any good the odds will fall even further and so I've had to take some drastic action and grab some vaguely reasonable odds while I can which I have never had to bother about doing in the past.

Hopefully, though, nations like Greece and Cyprus will give us something to make up for the loss of the Ukraine girl, each selecting a major act for the show and seemingly determined to make up for Cyprus narrowly being defeated last year.

There are some other outsiders like Slovenia who have a gentle and quite charming little number but the personalities in performance of a couple of avocados so they probably won't offer the Russkies much by way of a battle. Having said that, Trump may well be engineering some data management techniques to keep his wife happy.

Spain have an entry which would not have been out of place in the 1970s. It is, though, one of the very few cheerful numbers you'll hear from those currently selected. For that reason and the fact that it is typically euro-poppy I give it a chance.

The Czech Republic and Belgium have a couple of pleasant lads with more up-to-date tunes but both still lack the Ed Sheeran touch to be truly memorable or make more than the left hand side of the board.

There may be some others to consider backing but it is way too early. One decent entry from the many countries yet to declare could change everything.

UK will not, I fear, be doing much to halt the Russians this year. The song may be a bit stronger when heard amongst all the other crap there is this year so far but the singer is not that great and just looks like he is totally out of place and would be better placed behind the counter at the doughnut ship or wherever it is he has been working and will be going back to in May. We have a song with no ending. It's not good. It's just a trickle of bigger thats eems to habe been added on at the end and refuses to scan or sut any convention I'm aware of.

Ukraine out of Eurovision

Ukraine's Eurovision story has been pretty impressive. In 9 of their 15 appearances since 2003 they've been placed in the Top 10, 7 of which were Top 6 and they've been runners up twice and won it twice.

After not participating in 2015 on the grounds that the country needed to spend all its money on defence at the height of problems with Russia they were welcomed back in a grand way, winning in 2016 - and with a distinctly national song from Jamala which was pretty close to being banned for being too political!

Winning that year was particularly pleasing for them as the favourite had been Russia's Sergey Lazarev, who finished 3rd. Ukraine's sexy Maruv was expected to be one of the favourites this year. As it happens, Sergey is returning this year as Russia's entry and, even though we don't yet know the song, he's now favourite to win instead!

So Ukraine mat well have landed a potential victory to Russia as a result of this mess, which seems to have originated because Ukraine was not happy about artists performing in Russia. Maruv refused to agree her contract in this respect and the artists who were also in the running and came 2nd, 3rd and 4th in the national competition have also refused.

The European Broadcasting Union may now impose a fine and, indeed, a ban on Ukraine for future participation.

Quite a surprise. It could now be quite a boring year, judging by the entries released so far.

Ukraine's entry!

OK. Yes, er, this is Ukraine's, er, entry for Eurovision. I can't wait to do the commentary if she keeps the same stage show!

Ukraine are always up there amongst the contenders but this isn't going to produce a win for them this year. They will get lots of publicity, though. Good luck with that, Maruv!

Eurovision: UK hasn't a clue.

What on Earth has happened to the UK's approach to the Eurovision Song Contest? For a period of ten years from 1967 to 1977 we finished in the Top 4 every year. With just two exceptions, we have been in the Top 10 every year since the competition started until 1999. We had entries which were commercial, written to catch attention and appeal to the wide European audience and, whilst often tacky and not something I would rush out to buy,  we would watch the Final with valid expectations that our nation would be in competition near the top of the scoreboard.

It wasn't the best music, it was embarrassingly designed to be remembered by international juries on occasion too, but Eurovision fans relished it and we generally forgave the writers, performers and Terry Wogan made us smile. We did well, year after year. It was British music which dominated the charts across Europe as our writers and producers were simply the best at reaching the record-buying audience. We may have forgotten most tracks soon after the Final but that didn't matter. Britain had done well.

Since 1999, though, the UK have finished in the Top 10 just twice. Twice in 20 years. Indeed, it gets worse - on nine occasions we haven't even made the Top 20, finishing either last or with just a handful of points from one or two of the 42 or so countries voting.

It was not only international juries who didn't like what they heard; few recent tracks have even made the UK Top 20. Blue managed it but some didn't even make the Top 100 which required little more than your relatives to have bought a couple of copies each. We thought our entries were dreadful too!

We simply have to blame the BBC for this farce. There is a committee that sits in a room and decides how an artist and song will be chosen, how they will be presented to us, the public, and how a final decision is made as to who and what will represent the United Kingdom at the Eurovision Song Contest. And they have got it wrong, year after year. Yes, there may have been a choice for the public but either the format of the show or the overall choice itself has been poor so people have either not bothered voting or had to choose between the poor and the uninspiring so whatever we may have preferred didn't stand much chance anyway.

We have hundreds of fabulous performers, groups and even more brilliant writers. Our singles charts may not be full of commercial numbers as they once were by virtue of the changes in how charts and compiled and the very few 'sales' now needed to get into them anyway, but the album charts still show how good we can be.

Every week there is a stand-out release from someone somewhere and I often think to myself at around this time each year 'why couldn't this be our UK Eurovision entry?'

Now, those faceless ones in the BBC committee will no doubt tell us they asked X, Y and Z to do the honours but they weren't interested. I doubt they made much effort, though, and who on Earth could have really thought that either the ancient Engelbert Humperdinck or ageing Bonnie Tyler would represent UK well? From 2014 then, after these two seriously embarrassed us and themselves with lowly close to bottom finishes, the committee decides to introduce us to people at almost the opposite end of the spectrum; young people few of us will have ever heard of.

This approach started with Molly and continued with Electro Velvet, Jo and Jake, Lucie Jones and SuRie. Nice enough people, all of them, and, with the exception of Jo and Jake, excellent singers but the songs were just plain poor and the performances uninspiring and forgettable. Interestingly, SuRie performed in this year's decision show and did a completely different version of Storm which might, had she done that last year, have put the UK on the left hand side of the board. Our positions in these years? Out of 25 or 26: 17th, 24th, 24th, 15th and 24th!! Terrible. And the BBC Committee seems to think this is a good way to decide? This year we have Michael Rice with Bigger Than Us. He can sing, although I have my doubts about whether the song is ideal for him with a start that's too low and a silly ending. It'll finish in the 20s again unless the other entries are particularly bad this year.

The way we decided was really flawed. First the only airing the tracks may have had that the public might have heard before would have been occasional features on Ken Bruce's Radio 2 show in the week. Maybe they got a couple of other plays but most people would have heard them for the first time on Friday evening, an hour or so before being asked to vote.

Secondly, we get three songs performed by two artists in quite different ways. That, in itself is not wrong but it is odd. The writer, presumably, had some idea as to how he or she wanted to project whatever emotion was in the words and one, if not both, of the artists will have messed that up big time! It also confused us. Giving us two interpretations of one set of lyrics and a tune just makes neither memorable. Add to that the fact that, again, we had a selection of nice people and reasonably good singers but none had much by way of performance history other than a group, Maid, who had each quite a good period in West End or similar shows. The others we might have remembered from X Factor or Britain's Got Talent but they hadn't done very well really. Michael Rice did, at least, win his show but I can't remember the name and I am not sure it was particularly big in the ratings. He was probably the best choice out of a strange selection but the poor fellow is going to disappoint us, however hard he tries.

He got selected in a public vote which I suspect only reached just a few thousand of us. In a really strange show, three people, Rylan Clark-Neal, a girl from the Saturdays and another chap I didn't recognise decided which of the two versions of each song would be put to us to vote on. That was very weird and you really did feel sorry for the people who were rejected in such a farcical way. The three 'judges' were sound enough - I have a lot of respect for Rylan and he gets Eurovision, for sure. I just wish that he had had more say in earlier days and I imagine that his enthusiasm may well have brought some other better-known artists into the frame had he been given the chance. Each of the three made sensible enough comments but they had about five minutes to decide and you just felt that the whole thing was a bit silly.

We need to get serious about planning to win Eurovision in 2020. The UK has to make a great impression across Europe, with a great band or star singer who can almost guarantee to get votes just because whatever they do is good and performing to big audiences is just what they do. Surely one or other of our major acts will take a chance and work with the best in the music promotion industry. Bring in Simon Cowell or, at least, his company advisors, if necessary. If that idea offends some of our established talent then let them plan the whole thing themselves - I can imagine people like Coldplay having more than enough understanding and experience already and we could just leave them to it, maybe just voting on which song, of a selection they offer, song they do.

The BBC can continue to do the promotion too in their own way as only the BBC can do but not exclusively. We'll give them the credit if we do well but, essentially, the whole job needs really to be in the hands of real professionals. People who know what they're doing, who can sell stuff, who can write stuff and who can win.

Eurovision: France tick all the boxes except the song one.

Selecting Bilal Hassani, who we probably won't get to call Bill, France have ticked almost all of the Eurovision boxes:

• eyebrows /
• gender-free /
• blonde /
• glasses /
• teeth /
• asian name /
• cute video /

Unfortunately, they forgot about the song and someone who can actually sing. This is a very average performance at best with all sorts of notes missed and breathing in odd places. Little to recommend it but, of course, this is Eurovision and the weird and the PC do well. So France may have to be considered a contender after all.

Eurovision: Uk's 3rd idea: Sweet Lies

Not so sweet, really. Kerrie-Anne belts out the song like a Gloria Gaynor number with a bit of Beyoncé thrown in for good measure. It's commercial and drives along with a hint of foot-tapping but it is almost instantly forgettable.

Anisa puts a very different interpretation on the track and almost seems to plead with us to vote for her version. If Kerrie-Anne was forgettable then this never even started to be remembered. Pleasant but really not anywhere near good enough for such a contest as this. I am not even sure it would make the Top 20 in the UK, never mind convince an international audience.

Very disappointing.

It has to be the Maid version of Freaks for me. But that is hardly a winner.

Eurovision: Uk's 2nd idea - Freaks. Hmmm.

Jordan Clark and a group called Maid have a go at performing a track called Freaks in the BBC's second idea for Eurovision this year.

Jordan was an also-ran in a group in Britain's Got Talent and his effort is tedious. Surprisingly so for something called Freaks. You expect more. Very average and it has a strange bit near the end which sounds like the writers were trying too hard. His track has an awful lot of other people in the backing. Sounds like more than the 5 allowed for the stage.

Maid do a much better version and sound excellent. They each have credits in several stage shows in the West End and seem altogether more professional and less likely to collapse on the big stage in May. It's still nothing special and I feel it is not something that is going to do that well other than collect a few useful votes from the politically correct. It has the same odd phasing bit near the end which simply has to go. A nice performance by the three girls but I don't know that it will be good enough.

We'll see. The best so far.

Eurovision: UK's first idea. 'Bigger Than Us'.

Michael Rice is not a complete unknown, winning the TV series 'Altogether Now' and having busked for a while too is experienced. The song, though, is one of those you think is great t the start but then gets boring before it has even finished.

Bigger Than Us has a choir in the backing track which I cannot see being allowed on the live Eurovision performance so not too sure how that will work. It would need something like that.

The end goes wrong in my view and sort of loses the plot completely and you just don't get that satisfied feeling from a track that is needed for Eurovision. there's almost no temptation to sing or tap along either. I got really fed up with the word 'bigger' too.

So, no, that's no a winner.

Holly Tandy reached the Live Shows in 2017 X Factor, finishing a respectable 7th. Her version of this track is easier listening and, for me, more appealing and a touch more commercial. For all that, though, it will fare no better in Holly's hands.

Eurovision: Spain start the season with new fashion statement

Spain bring us the first major competitor for the 2019 Eurovision title with this cheerful song from someone called Miki.

I can't see Miki or the backing group having much influence on fashion, judging by their appearance in this selection show. It's a sort of laid-back early 90s look with little or no co-ordination. Now that may well be a first for Eurovision!

The song's a catchy number and, despite its 70s feel, should help Spain rise above their recent pretty dire placings. However, I have nearly always predicted that they'll do well (other than a terrible Do It For Your Lover entry the year before last) but they have had pretty similar placings to the UK for many years with only Ruth Lorenzo getting them to the left hand side of the board in 2014.