X Factor: week 7

Why does Beatles night have to be the same flaming tracks every year? They wrote 100s of fabulous numbers and we get Yesterday, Let It Be and if Wagner does Mull of Kintyre I shall use language that will get this blog banned in schools. Oh shit! He's started Hey Jude and totally destryoed it. Sod the schools. "Could've gone worse" said Dermot. Not a lot. Wand Erection clear favourites now.

Matt 9
Come Together. Looked like he'd come in to do some painting and got caught when the stage lights came on. Big production didn't suit him, or the song. Looked like he'd been 'packaged' for the show. Better just as Matt with a mike. Should be safely through but not exactly a memorable performance we'll be searching YouTube for next week.

Cher 11
Imagine. Just like Joe last year, Cher's looking increasingly like Cheryl, well, from one angle at least. Nice performance that should pick up some of the oldies' votes to add to the bag of teenagers' she's got already. Simple, but effective. I did expect her to get up and do a bit more with it but the restraint was probably not a bad idea at this stage.

1 Direction 16
All You Need Is Love. Danii spotted what I've been going on about every week and that is the way Zahn seems to be a bit of a spare prick at the Fab Four wedding, looking like he's wet himself and wondering whether he should sing now or hang on until the next line starts. Smart re-working that suited them down to the ground. These boys are on a roll. Looked good, sounded modern.

Rebecca 8
Yesterday. Competent but not a great deal more going on. Most of the compliments weren't about her performance. All a bit predictable and another track that's neither here nor there unless the artist really grabs it and makes it mean something. I'd never have chosen that one but I doubt if she'll need to worry too much.

Mary 8½
Something. You could have heard that in several halls around the country this evening and not be particularly inclined to pick up a phone and spend money. Like Rebecca, good in so far as she hit the right notes and came across well but nothing special. It'll probably turn out to be her best shot in the competition and shouldn't be her last with old Wagner around but you never can tell with Brazilians.

Paije 6
Let It Be. Oh, is Paije still in the competition. I'd forgotten the Jacket Potato. Bang it out, that's all you have to do, said Danii before he went on. Hmm. Wobbly start. Odd middle. Banged it out at the end. Pretty pointless.

Wagner 0
Oh dear. Oh dear. Some weird concoction of Get Back, Hippy Hippy Shake, Hey Jude. Totally wrecked them all. Horrible.

Katie 9
Help. There's a pixie on the stage. If she wanted to be singing a couple of songs again tonight she may have chosen the wrong one first. It'll be help she needs to battle against whoever she's in the bottom two with. Reminded me a bit of Petula Clark. She can sing although the first two thirds were less than convincing. I think she's on her way out before long but not because she's a bad singer.